New Shoot

Here are some photos I did for some friends.  (Same location as the last! :) What can I say it is a great spot!) In other news my indie bandita show went really well and I am glad I made myself do it and I am glad for all the people who showed up.  If you're one of them THANKS!

Upcoming Holiday Show

Please come see my work and the work of many other local artists on Sunday, November 27th from 10am-8pm at the Bainbridge Island Commons.  This is NOT your typical Christmas Bazaar!  Fun quirky work for sale many with holiday themes, but certainly not all.  Do some LOCAL holiday shopping instead of buying imported goods.  For more info check out the website indiebanditas.com

what to wear

"I've only got one thing to wear and it's got Made by Jesus on the tag and the purity of Jesus lies over a heart and His transparency burns the cataracts off the soul." - Ann Voskamp

Humbled by this this morning and not having a lot of words about it, but wanted to share it none the less.

The Twits

"If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face.  And when that person has ugly thoughts every  day, every week, every year the face gets uglier and ugllier until it gets so ugly you can hardly bear to look at it. 
A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly.  You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely." -Roald Dahl


Eli, Jonah and I just finished reading "The Twits" by Roald Dahl.  I have a great affection for his writing as it is British and he doesn't candy coat things.  He writes children's books but people die and he uses large words and the boys still sit captivated and quiet as I read.  Any way I liked this quote from the book and thought it was poignant as I am working on living a life of gratitude.

Side note:  Eli is playing with a tonka rescue helicopter in the back ground and singing the MASH theme song.  What well rounded children I will have...

losing our marbles

I'm trying a new method of discipline.  The deal is that each morning the boys put 4 marbles in their pockets.  If they are good little boys they get to keep all their marbles.  If they are wicked little boys I will take their marbles one by one for each wicked deed.  At the end of the day they get to put any marbles left in their pocket into their jar.  When the jar is all filled up they get a special date with mama or daddy.

Now I'm hearing you ask..."Are your boys only wicked 4 times a day?"  No it isn't that literal.... I don't have that many marbles even in the big jar...  It is for disobeying or talking back or physical violence toward each other those sorts of things... that they would lose a marble.  Really the same things you or I would lose our marbles over.  They are very excited and a bit confused I think cause Eli asked as he put his marbles into his jar tonight before bed if he gets his treat now.  I had to remind him that he had to fill the jar completely before he got that special date.  It may take some figuring out.

I tried to pick the pint sized jars and not the quarts, but it still may have been an overshot.  In any case we're on our way and what is different from the sticker charts we had been doing is that we don't have to be in the kitchen at the moment of praise or reproach which widens our scope of life quite a bit.  Hopefully this won't scar them in any way for the future regarding marbles.  They are one of the finer things in life and I would hate to be responsible for the tarnishing of the marble association in a young child's life.  I guess only time will tell.

Saying goodbye

I did some family portraits for some sweet friends this weekend.  Even though we've only known each other for about a year we will sure miss them as they head on to their new chapter in a couple of weeks.  Here are some of the photos from Saturday.  The light was so tricky being a beautiful sunny morning (I'm not complaining!)  so some of the technical quality I wasn't thrilled with, but it helps that they all look like movie stars. :)

More monsters

Here are some bad images of encaustic paintings I've done this week to further the theme of the monsters.  It is wildly freeing and fun to make these and I am going to keep it going for a bit I think.

my little monster

Eli started preschool this past week and has since turned into a little monster.  He is CRAZY before and after school and finally today I asked his teacher if he has been behaving and she said he is totally calm and normal at school.  So he is saving it up for me.  I'm sure it is adjusting to a new schedule and routine, but honestly I am dealing with a lunatic.

He listened to the boxcar children audio book in it's entirety (2 discs) back to back yesterday until 10 pm.  Today he got to listen to it once and that was it!  I took it away for bad behavior part way through the first disc and made him earn the rest of it back.  He wakes up and turns it on.. He goes to bed listening to it.  I'm losing my mind.

So this evening I decided we needed some structured activity time and we sat down to do some stitching together after Jonah went to bed.  I traced some of his monster drawings from the weekend and we began to embroider them.

He is not done with his, but I managed to finish mine.  I'm dying they are so cute!
He did absolutely get lost in the process though which I've got to hope is burning some mental energy.

Sometimes even monsters can be sweet.

I'm not counting anymore.

I'm not counting anymore.  I probably should be, but I'm not cause I'm working on be-ing.  He-he-he. Anyway I thought you might enjoy the interchange in the car on the way home from church yesterday between Eli and myself.  It is paraphrased here but still VERY close to the real thing.  Slightly shortened cause I can't write as fast as he can talk. Enjoy.  I hope your thankful for it, cause I know I am.

“Can I go shoot guns with Uncle Ronnie and shoot a deer and cut off it’s head to put on the wall in the living room?  

“No.  You’re not old enough.  Why would you want to cut off a deer’s head? Then the deer would be dead.”

“OK.  I’ll just cut off the pokey parts.. what is that called on top of it’s head?”

“Antlers.”

“Ya, Antelers.”

“Wouldn’t that make you sad to think of a dead deer every time you were in the living room?”

“OK. Can I shoot a bird with Uncle Ronnie and cut off it’s head to hang on the wall in the living room?”

“No.  You’re not old enough. Why would you want a dead bird in your living room?  That is disgusting.”

“I just want it in my heart mamma.”

"Can I save my money in my piggy bank to buy a squad car when I am 18?"

"Yes.  I think that would be a great thing to save your money for."

"It will have a gun on it and then I can go in the mountains and shoot birds and deers and monsters in my squad car with the gun."

"Awesome."

-Eli age 4

-Mama age 31

24,25.

24. Little boys with long eyelashes and mischievous looks in their eyes.

25. Seeing someone having fun totally uninhibited.

23.

So apparently I got it all wrong.  I've finally gotten to read more of the book because I finished the other book I've been reading that had to go back to the Library.  It was, on a side note, called "The Midwife's Confession" and was very good.
Anyway now I'm dedicated to 1000 Gifts and feeling simply nourished by it.    It seems as though I am getting too specific with things that are over arching and need explanation.
The author of 1000 gifts begins her list with simple things that she is enjoying in her day.  The way the light hits the wood planks of floor in her bedroom.  The way her kid's lisp sounds at dinnertime prayer.  I think I'm stressing out about how to write something profound and insightful about each "gift" when instead I should be absorbing joy in my thanksgiving.
So i will continue my log, but with new freedom and simplicity.  I could add a paragraph afterwards or just have a few words.  That is one thing Ann Voskamp does beautifully.  She paints word pictures with tiny phrases that tell a whole story or show a whole landscape.  Obviously I would recommend the book.
SO here is 23.
23. holding sweet, sticky, little hands after picking berries on our wooded trail.

Number 22

So we are now at entry numbers instead of days cause I am so behind.  I am thankful that I can make up whatever rules I want cause it is my game.  :)  Not really... I mean yes, really, but that is not number 22.
I would say that I am thankful for the freedom to struggle.
A friend of mine has a prayer that he likes to say that goes, "I believe, help my unbelief."  That is where I have been lately.  I know what I believe, but I am still skeptical and still hesitant and still cynical.  That is why I need to document the gratitude.  Gratitude combats all that.  It makes the blessing real and acknowledged.  I am facing many of my looming inadequacies and I want to run and hide, but the challenge is waring them down and strapping power from them before they do it to you.  I'm not sure how that happens, but I do believe that gratitude has something to do with it.  I'll let you know when I have it all figured out.  But don't hold your breath, cause I'm pretty sure the other piece of it is that it takes a long time and that it is the point of the time.

Day 21

I am thankful for routine.  I know when I'm in the midst of routine I don't want it and I get bored, but when there is wild havoc every day I miss it.

Day 20... only 80 to go

I am losing my motivation and that makes me sad.  What does that mean?  It means I'm busy and preoccupied.  What does it mean in the grander scheme of things?  It still means that I'm busy and preoccupied, but on a deeper level as well.  If I can't be still in a day long enough to find gratitude in things that are more important than, "gee I'm thankful for my email..."  or whatever then what is my heart doing?  It is shriveling up that is what it is doing.  Slowing down doesn't seem like an option a lot of the time, but as fall approaches and a new routine emerges I am going to consciously put time in for quiet and meditation.  So I suppose I am thankful for seasons.  I don't want summer to end partly cause it hasn't really started weather wise, but also because it is a built in rhythm for our lives.

Day 19

It is getting hard to keep up.  I am sure I am days behind and feeling rotten about how I made this comitment and can't even do it for two straight weeks with out biffing it.  I am thinking a lot about forgiveness and what it looks like in different scenarios and finding it very difficult to grasp onto in a lot of ways.  So I suppose I am thankful that I am not responsible for "figuring it out" in order for it to work.  In that light if there are any readers out there, be patient with my inconsistencies.  Maybe you could even forgive me... that is... if you have it figured out.

Days 17 and 18

I am thankful that I can read. Literacy is huge and I often take it for granted.

I am in turn also thankful for good books.  Here are some that I've read in the last year.. or so...

The Midwife's Confession
The Help
Becoming a Woman of Grace
The Inkheart Series
Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain
Walk On
20 Chickens for a Saddle
Ursula Under
Margrettown


Some of these have only been read in part and others all the way through.  I wish I had the time to devote myself to books.  In another life I would like to be a librarian.

Day 16

I am thankful for my sweet, funny, surprising two year old Jonah.


He is independent.  He is deliciously sweet and kissable.  He has a twinge of total obstinacy and has since birth.  He is definitely in his own way a "Jonah" but that is also what I love about him.  He will be wandering around the house with a wire wisk, a lego man and book of poetry under his arm and woe to the man who gets in his way when he is on that kind of mission.  (Whatever that kind of mission is...?)

Today I was watering the garden and he came out in his basketball style shorts, a t-shirt he had taken out of the give away box, his rubber boots and a plush cow mask on.  He had his super- hero cape that I made him in hand and was asking me to tie it on for him.  He then proceeded to run around the yard shouting that he was shooting big bombs out of his watering can and getting all the bad guys.

They say that a little boy between the ages of 2 and 4 has twice the amount of testosterone of an adult male.  That answers a lot of questions in my house.  He wore the outfit around town this afternoon and got some compliments.

He is changing his clothes more often than an insecure girl in junior high these days.  I don't really even bother folding them to put them away cause he digs through the drawers so much each day that it is futile to stop it.  He is excited cause he can dress himself now and it was something that I worried about him being a late bloomer in cause he just figured it out.  Now I'm pretty sure he's making up for lost time.

He makes me laugh and he is infuriating in the same breath, but he is a professional snuggler and his kisses are better than a speckled puppy on Christmas.  I love him fiercely and thank God that in the midst of His adventure called parenting He built in some unparalleled rewards.

Day 15

Today hope resurfaced if only for a glimmer in my life.  Recently I have been described as someone who has declared war on hope and I guess that would be accurate.  I'm just thankful that although I have undiplomatic relations with it, it is not giving up.

Day 14

Today I was reminded how great the public Library is. It was pouring rain and the boys had ants in their pants and so we put new pants on and went to story time at the library.  We ran into 4 families that we are friends with and checked out about 35 books and came home to have a reading jamboree.  3 out of the 4 families we saw we became friends with through going to the library so much.  We are there between 2 and 4 times a week usually.

I think it was Alexander Grahm Bell who championed the library idea in this country after Benjamin Franklin.  If I'm wrong on that someone please tell me.. But the idea that you get a big building that holds all of the town's books and that as long as you live in the town you can go there and borrow as many of the books as you want and that they hire someone to take care of the books and organize the books and help people find the right book they are looking for sounds to me like a fairy tale.

My high school "supervisor" said that her goal for my education was that I would become a life long learner.  As much as I got sick of hearing those words then, I hold on to them now.  If as a teacher I can inspire a student, be it my child or some one elses, to continue learning I believe I have done my job.  So if you aren't hooked on the library, check it out, (no pun intended) and see if you are not pleasantly surprised.  And then remember to be thankful for it. :)

Days 11,12 and 13

I've gotten behind on my thankfulness or at least the sharing publicly of it.  I have been thinking about it though and it has been difficult.  It is easy to find things that one is grateful for when one gets what one wants and when things go the way one expects.  Obviously.  It isn't that things haven't been good lately, just at a pace that is quick and unexpected.

In any case I was reminded today of some things I have been freshly blessed with.
First one is wonderful neighbors.
When we moved in December we found out that a family with 3 little boys lives just at the bottom of the hill.  They have a 3 year old, a 4 year old and an 8 year old.  We love them and are so thankful that they are close and so hospitable.  Today they came over on a whim and stayed for like 3 hours.  The whole family hung out and we did a cookie and limeade stand.  (we made 5 whole dollars!)  It is just so nice to know that there is camaraderie in motherhood and in boyhood and in fatherhood for that matter.  We all had lunch together and picked huckleberries together and just hung out.  It was a great morning.

I am also clearly thankful for this sunshine finally.  The warm air and light that is so vastly different than the grey is staggering when rationed.  

It leads me to be thankful for the beauty of the place in which I live.   We are constantly surrounded by beauty here and often forget when overcome with the gray.  It is beautiful especially when the sun is out, but even still when it is not.

Day 10

I am thankful for prayer.
I am humbled by prayer and I am changed by prayer.
I like that saying, "Prayer doesn't change things, prayer changes me."

Jonah is 2.5 and sort of destined for trouble.  If there is trouble about he will find it.  It is never malicious trouble, just mischief and I have found him recently spilling the exterior paint in the garage, covering himself with stamps and ink from the art cupboard, sticking his fingers in the open peanut butter jar, "washing" his toys in the toilet etc.
The first thing I usually shout when I come to these situations is "hands UP! Don't touch anything!  Just stop and put  your hands in the sky!" It seems sort of ironic that I get myself into equally precarious messiness and I just keep swishing the mess around till I am beyond a solution and have just f---ed the whole thing up.
I find myself so wrapped up in all the mess of whatever that mess is at the moment, but if I can remember to stop and raise up my hands up and just stop touching everything, ie, pray about it, things will improve.  Jesus will swoop down and wash my hands, or clean up spilled paint, or put the lid back on the peanut butter before it is too late.
I don't at all mean to trivialize prayer by acting like it is just a panic management tool, but I think it is often overlooked in my life and that is telling.
Today prayer resurfaced in my tool box as a solution and I am thankful it did, cause really it is the best ting I have in there.

Day 9

I am so thankful for laughter.  I love laughing and I love things and people who make me laugh.  Today was grey and lame but by dinner time laughter won and I'm grateful.

Day 8

I am thankful for Josh's job.  He gets up every morning at 4am to ride his bike 4 miles to the ferry and be to work by 6.  He doesn't complain about how early it is or that he rides in the wind and rain and snow and cold.  They have reduced most people's hours at work down to 4 days as of this last week.  This is the 3rd or 4th time they've done that in the past 5 years Josh has been working there.  He has made it through lay offs and slow periods and when so many people are without work I am thankful that he has it.

He is so talented and meticulous I wish he would do more side jobs, not because I want him working more.. We want him home!! but because he really does make beautiful work.  With the reduced hours he has at least one day a week to do something independent and right now he's doing a large project for my parents so it will be nice for him to have a chance to do that during the week instead of Saturdays.  Here is a bad picture of a beautiful table he built for his mom last year.

Day 7

So I suppose I have to say that I am thankful for this rain because it will be a very hard thing for me to say.  Can I be thankful for things that I don't really want? Can I trust that God knows more and can see farther down this road than I can?  So the weather isn't really applicable in the analogy per se but isn't it true that if we accept some gifts from God knowing that He is good we must accept ALL gifts from God trusting that He is really and truly good?  It is a difficult concept to reconcile with and the first chapter of the book I mentioned in an earlier post, One Thousand Gifts, examines that question beautifully.  I don't know how to wrap my head around it but perhaps the mystery of it is part of its power and beauty.

In the book the author talks about manna in the dessert for the Israelites.  Here is a quote from the end of chapter one.  "For 40 long years, God's people eat manna- a substance whose name literally means "what is it?"  Hungry they choose to gather up that which is baffling.  They fill on that which has no meaning .  More than 14,600 days they take their daily nourishment from that which they don't comprehend. They find soul-filing in the inexplicable.  They eat the mystery.  And the mystery, that which made no sense, is "like wafers of honey" on the lips.

Day 6

I didn't get a chance to post yesterday, so I will do 2 today.  Yesterday I was thankful for our house.

We had 6 extra kids over yesterday afternoon and have had many more than that in the last few months because of our new space.  It was such a blessing to move in here last winter and feel like we could spread out a bit.  The yard is amazing, the neighbors are amazing and the way my kids are learning or more like absorbing hospitality is amazing.

Eli is constantly telling people they can come over.  My brother who lives in Arizona, the Librarian at the public Library,  the bagger at the grocery store, kids we meet at the park, kids who are 3x his age at church have all been personally invited to our house by Eli cause it's what we do.  I love that he feels the security to do that.  I also love that we have a place where we can.

Day 5

I am grateful for good conversations with good friends.

A long over due one that reminded me of the important things.  Reminded me of struggle that isn't romanticized, but real struggle.  I've been there and others are there now and I will be there again.  The answer is in the struggle.

"The means by which we reach the goal is actually the goal itself."  - Oswald Chambers

Day 4

Today I am thankful for food.

We are so used to "picking something up" at the store.

Josh wanted to have some french bread to go with our spaghetti tonight and as I went to pick him and it up I heard a piece on NPR about the food crisis in East Africa.  Something like 380 thousand people in refugee camps because of drought and a level 4 food crisis.  They won't call it famine because of political reasons which I guess I get, but it seems like if people are dying and fleeing their country cause of lack of food what else can we call that?

I know that because I have an abundance here I am often complacent, but today I am mindful of my gifts and that I can feed my children.  

Day 3

Today I am thankful for my community.

I remember when Eli was born and we lived in Seattle and there was a mom's group at our church and I went those first few months and soaked up being with other moms. When we moved I didn't feel like our new community though wrought with children and mothers had quite the same venue for knowing and being known as a mom.

Today, 4 plus years later I had 8 moms and 2 grandmas along with all the children (14 or more) at my house for our weekly summer play group.  It is amazing to journey with people in their struggles and triumphs and day to day.

Then as if we hadn't had enough community for one day we spent the evening working at a local community kitchen where between 70 and 100 people are served dinner.  It is great having conversations and working along side friends and also challenging to break away from the comfortable relationships to forge new ones with new people.

I think community is an amazing tool to know ourselves and work along side others for something bigger than ourselves.  I am thankful for mine and know it is the only thing keeping me here wearing wool socks on a mid- July day.

Day 2

Today I am thankful for my son Eli.

He has so many questions and thoughts to share.  He sat at the kitchen table today and drew with his stencils while Josh and I were collaborating and brainstorming on a future project.  He wanted so bad to offer his own input and so he did occasionally and it was delightful.  He had the tone of voice right, he added sketches to what we were doing, the look on his face was perfect, but the content of the idea made no sense at all and made the effort priceless.  I can't even retell it with justice, so I won't.  But I will treasure his creative spirit.

We went to the all comer's track meet last night and he won 3rd place in the hurdles and on the way home he said I like that "turtle hopper" race... what is it called mama?  I told him he was exactly right it was the turtle hopper race.

As we were snuggling before bed he had his head on my shoulder and patted my chest and said with a little grin, "I used to drink milk out of these."  Again I told him he was exactly right.

A New Project

I haven't posted in a long time.  It seems like it is just not a priority these days and lately I feel like I don't have a lot of insight to offer.  In talking with a friend today though I have decided to start a new project .  It still seems to fit with my "BE" theme and I thought I would share it with anyone who wants to listen. I'm making the rules simple for myself.  Here they are.

1. Every day for the next 100 days I will write at least one thing I am thankful for and why.
2. I might include a picture cause usually I can't help myself

This project is inspired by a book my friend is reading and recommended to me.  It is called One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.  I am ordering the book tomorrow and read the first chapter online tonight.  I'm hooked.  The author raises the question, at least in the short excerpt that I read, that if we enter the world with our fists clenched are we able to give or receive?  She puts it so eloquently and blurs the line between fiction and non I think.  Can we really give with out first knowing how to receive?  So the first step is to list 1000 things we're thankful for.  Things we've been given essentially.  I'm not going to do 1000 cause I'm trying to make attainable goals for myself.  So I'm starting with 100 and in the project I hope to see with wider eyes how blessed I am, how loved I am and how abundantly I have been given to.

So here is Day 1.

Today I am thankful for my husband.
He is committed to me.
He chose me.
He works hard for our family and for our good.