Milestones

Jonah is now a year old.  It is pretty amazing and perhaps a good excuse as to why I haven't posted in 2 months!  He and Eli are keeping me pretty busy these days.  I remember this weekend last year.  On Saturday morning we went to the pancake breakfast at the fire station and rode the fire truck with Eli. (Yes I rode on the back of the fire truck on top of all the curled up hoses on my due date) I was so determined to go into labor that I walked 3 miles with my sister in law that afternoon and cleaned the house.  I should have napped!  As we drove home from the park where we walked, the car broke down and it is then that I started contractions.  2 hours later we were on the ferry to Seattle and thus began the adventure that was Jonah's birth.  I threw up 6 times (once in the car and had Josh pull over so I could throw away the plastic bag full of barf at the bus stop trash can on John and Broadway).  Many more details I will spare you, but now a year later it is hard to imagine our little family without him.  He is sweet and content and curious.  He is learning to contend with his bigger brother and hold his own.  He is not quite walking on his own but working at it every day and enjoying the challenge.  I'd say his favorite food is yogurt and he loves music.  I'm learning so much about what it means to be a child and a parent and to die to yourself. Eli calls him "Jonie boy" and I call him "sweet love" cause that is what he is.  Happy Birthday Jonah.     

Art Mart

Hey if anyone is going to be in Eastern Washington August 22 or 23 near Yakima drop in and see a show I'm participating in.  I am sending some wooden books I've made over the years and am excited to hear how people respond to them.  Unfortunately I won't be going with them but my dear friend Anna Marie will.  She is organizing the show in conjunction with the annual Artist Trust Fundraiser there.  I have included the poster for the event and if you want more info check out the Tieton Community Days.

Nirvana at the Dentist Office

Last week I was flossing and I rarely do, so I was feeling pretty good about myself until this big chunk of something came out and I thought, "Oh geeze I lost a filling!" So I saved the chunk in a ziplock bag and made an appointment for Friday (the following day) and began my pre-dental routine anxiety.  I HATE going to the dentist.  That is not uncommon, but the neck aches and headaches and generally sore muscles that result from laying so tensely for an hour in that chair make me really consider whether the appointment is needed.  

As our dear Dentist says though, when I tell him all this, "People avoid making dental appointments cause they think they will either be painful or expensive and the longer you wait the more BOTH of those things will be true."  Wow.  Thanks.    

Let me give you some background on my dental history.  

Age 7: Overbite and Structural Crowding of the Teeth as well as a slight Speech Impediment due to finger sucking

RETAINER

Age 12: (Same symptoms with out the speech impediment)

Braces to fix what the retainer couldn't.

Age 13:  (Same symptoms as well as a jaw popping)                                      

Head gear to fix what the braces couldn't.

Age 14: New beautiful straight teeth in the places that they should 

RETAINER

Age 14: Retainer cracked and was never replaced, so teeth became crooked again

Dad pretty despondent that he wasted 2k on my lousy teeth 

Age 19: Wisdom teeth out 

Zanax and Vikoden for anxiety and pain.. BEST experience of my life.  LOTS of drugs made oral surgery a pleasure. 

Age 23:  Dental Cleaning 1 week before my wedding

Age 27:  First visit to new dentist and only dentist since age 23 

Grinds Teeth needs night guard. Has almost worn through enamel 

Age 28: Flossing and lost piece of something out of mouth

Fractured tooth- FILLING

All of this is just the bullet points of a long sordid relationship I've had with my own mouth.  I hate my teeth and I hate my smile and I hate anyone looking at either of them.  I also hate spending money so none of this is boding well for a good relationship with the dentist.  I had seen the same dentist since I was 8 years old until the week before my wedding and he was as good as one could expect a dentist to be.  He actually would have someone call me when I got home from an appointment and ask how I was doing cause I would get so psyched out.  When I moved back to the island a couple of years ago I decided to have a cleaning since we had insurance again.  Unfortunately my dear and familiar dentist had retired.  

Thus began the search for a new dentist.  Everyone at our church said oh there is this guy who attends here and he is so good blah blah blah and I thought no way in hell am I going to see a guy about my teeth who I go to church with.  So I looked up the dentist that my best friend had gone to all her childhood and whose secretary had been my best friend's mother for a few years. I thought that would be fairly safe.  

So I set up an appointment with him after I haven't seen a dentist in 5 years or something and I have 4 cavities and 2 "watches".  He already doesn't like me.  But he should cause I am paying his mortgage this month with all the work I need done.  I tell him that Taylor Brown is my best friend and he doesn't really care and then starts this monologue about insurance companies and the need for reform and I'm a captive audience.  So as I'm leaving I try to muster a bit of self esteem by explaining that I haven't been in for a check up because I haven't had insurance and that is when he lays the aforementioned quote on me.  He is totally unimpressed with my excuse and basically says it is my own fault.  

I go back in a year later and have missed my 6 month cleaning because when I was due for it I was so sick with pregnancy that if anyone had put anything in my mouth I would have barfed all over them.  So I skipped it.  Luckily I didn't have any cavities.  Unfortunately I had "the beginings of irreversible damage" to my gums.  Because I had morning sickness I didn't floss for quite some time and apparently developed gum disease.  He then proceeded to tell me how studies have shown that heart disease is directly related to gum disease and especially now that I have children I need to be thinking about my example that I'm setting and that even if I want to take my life in my own hands I'm not just affecting me, I have others to think about now.  I tried to explain morning sickness to him.  He said that during pregnancy your body sucks all of the nutrients into the baby and that is the WORST time to be negligent with oral hygiene.  

You have to understand that this guy is sort of like the MacGyver dentist.  Not in the cool rigs stuff up way, but in the 5 o'clock shadow and flannel shirt kind of way.  He also might be recovering from a mullet.  He is as you might have guessed fairly blunt, but he is also very knowledgeable.  He seems to be the authority on almost anything in fact, and as a dentist working with people who can't talk to you, probably is pretty comfortable with the sound of his own voice.   That is why I like him and why I hate him.  He isn't your typical Bainbridge Island dentist with a Volvo cross country and 2 kids who are really beautiful and athletic and on the state water polo team. (My old dentist) 

So I call him up on Friday cause I realize that I can't make this appointment.  And HE answers the phone which totally caught me off guard.  I felt like I was breaking up with him.  I said it wouldn't work and he said, "Well Jamie, I don't know what to tell you cause we're just booked up this next few weeks."  Uhh.. OK? So he passes me off to the secretary who also knows me by my first name and my husbands name and my kids names and my general schedule and asks if Tuesday evening works instead.  And I say yes and hang up.  

It is Tuesday afternoon and I'm finding myself fidgeting and I realize I'm going to the dentist.  I know that he told me I need a night guard and that I am having this problem because I don't have one and he is going to lay into me about it and my no insurance excuse won't impress him and I am a tiny bit pissed with my "fear factor" dentist and hating that I have to go on such a lovely evening to his office.  I decide I need an attitude adjustment.  So I went out and cut a large bunch of Lavender off our hedge and take it with me to the appointment as a peace offering.  Josh thinks this is dumb.  It's not.  When I get there Nirvana is playing and I think to myself, "He is a total butt rocker and wears flannel shirts." When he calls me back I abruptly say, "I brought you guys some lavender from our garden."  I awkwardly hand it to him again with a certain "date" essence and he immediately softens.  He takes a deep breath smelling it and looks me in the eye and thanks me.  Not sure how to respond, so I say, "I thought it would make the office smell nice." Lame. Whatever.

As we sit down I mention that I saw him announcing at the 4th of July parade and he said it was his 23rd year in a row.. and that he's never missed a year.  That led to his interest and commitment to community and small towns and the idea that neighbors say "Hi" to each other and that HE is the one who numbs his patients up before a filling and takes the x-rays and puts the filling in after drilling and works carefully so as not to require a rubber dam so the patient can't speak or even really see cause being a doctor is about knowing people and helping them.  

He then begins to talk about how he grew up in a small town and that it's main industry was logging and that he went back there this past weekend after not having been there for 7 years and how it is completely devastated.  Whole city blocks have been boarded up or leveled and that no one goes out anymore because of gang violence and how people who stayed there are stuck with out any hope for anything better.  He said it was so depressing that he had to leave and that on his way home he thought about how thankful he was that he got out when he did and at the same time was sad because he felt like the place where his childhood existed was gone.  

The flannel shirts made more sense now.  I saw a glimpse of him as a person with a potentially rough childhood and someone who probably had to make it on his own as far as money goes with school and who has a strong work ethic.  We talked about how the island has changed and what he was trying to preserve here and what he appreciated about here.  I saw that he really does care about his patients and want to make people's lives easier and that being straight with them about their teeth may come off as "fear factor" to me but probably to him he sees it as telling you the truth so that you aren't ignorant and uninformed.  

I don't think the lavender changed him, I think it changed me. 

Stone Temple Pilots was playing as I left and his parting words to me were, "Well you've got a brand new tooth.  Don't go diving into any grape nuts for 24 hours cause you've got structure and shape, but no strength yet.  If you damage it and you're lucky it'll shatter into a thousand pieces, the bad news would be if you just crack it and you can't see it and I can't see it and the bacteria goes in there and starts having a party and a year later your tooth is decayed and needs to be replaced all over again.  Thanks again for the Lavender." 

A visual update

Tractor rides at our friend's farm in Poulsbo,

A beautiful beach day at Fairy Dell beach

Eli and Hannah reading quietly so as to avoid bedtime

Our first tent experiment.. it lasted about 40 minutes.. luckily it was in our backyard 

My grandma at her 50 and over baseball game... She plays 2-3 times a week!

Eli and Isaac riding bikes... well more like sitting bikes.. they can't pedal yet.. at least Eli can't

Jonah in his own personal ball pit

So much fun to be had in the summer and photos seem integral to that in my mind.  I wonder if sometimes my "subjects" get sick of my shooting, but I can't help it.  I am lined up tentatively to shoot 2 weddings this season and I'm slightly aprehensive due to my unprofessional qualifications, but hopefully my enthusiasm will prevail and overcompensate for my nervousness.  

Eli's Ailments in the past 5 weeks

Some of you have been wanting to see a picture of Eli's cast and so here is the laundry list of what my little monkey has "had" in the last month or so.


The broken foot. Notice the unnatural bump below his big toe. Not really a very convincing picture, but let me tell you.. it was definitely broken.

Him sitting in his jammies at 1:30 in the afternoon with his discharge papers and photocopied x-ray in front of the Children's Hospital E. R.

The whole gang was there... Way to go dad! So a day's worth of work missed, plus the bill for the E.R. .... plus the re- check in a week with the primary care doc... hmmm...
Then 2 weeks or so later the fever hits. 103.. for three days.. all he wanted to do was watch movies. Cars to be exact. over and over and over...
So when we got a nice day I said that's it and made him sit outside in the shade of a lovely umbrella and look at books. Notice the ear rubbing. That is his tell. He is sleepy and wanting snuggles.
This tell is a bit more obvious. The one where he cradles the bottle of Motrin and won't go to bed with out it or take his nap without it or get in the car with out it.. Sad.
He's now feeling mostly better except for the nasty greenish yellow nose as shown above. We invited a friend over because sinus infections are going around at their house, so we figured it wouldn't make a difference.

I feel like inviting the nurse from his Pediatrician's office over for dinner cause we've seen her so much lately. Maybe I should.

Here is a letter I wrote to Jonah for his baptism yesterday.

Dear Jonah,

You were 3 days old before you had a name. Your Dad and I went back and forth on what to call you and eventually I won out, cause really anything is better than Nevar. But some people didn’t think it was much better for us to name you after a relatively lousy guy in the Bible. But you’re not named because of who Jonah was in the story. You’re named because of who God was in the story.

When I think about the absurdity in the story of Jonah it reminds me that God has a sense of humor. I doubt Jonah thought so at the time, but that is the beauty of God’s sense of humor. He sees the bigger picture. Our stubbornness is no match for His. Our recklessness is no match for His. Our adamancy is no match for His. But still Jonah ran… and so did God… after Jonah.

Finally from the belly of a big fish Jonah said to God, “Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs.” It took living in fish guts for 3 days for Jonah to recognize the incomparable value of God’s grace. But in the end he did recognize it.

We’ve chosen a verse for you that is our hope for your heart. It comes from John 20:29. “Because you have seen me, you have believed, but blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe.”

When you were born, you were blue and limp and not really interested in breathing. As I sat there watching the nurses try to suction out your airway through your tiny, very pursed lips I said, “I think he’s a Jonah”. Fortunately God had a bigger plan for you. You were stubborn, but God is more stubborn. Jonah was stubborn, but God was immovable.

There is a saying, “Smart people learn from their mistakes, and smarter people learn from other people’s mistakes.” As your parents we will make mistakes and we know you will make mistakes. Our prayer is that the mistakes you make will be ones full of integrity; full of you. Don’t run from who God has made you. Don’t try to be someone or something other than his beloved. Don’t try to escape God’s affection. He will make your life very difficult until you rest in His love.

When doubts arise, and they will, when you are scared or reluctant find comfort in the truth that you are named for. Find comfort in the fact that God will go to absurd lengths to call you his own. Hopefully it won’t require anything having to do with a fish.

We love you.

Mama and Daddy

Life wins

It's 2:15 on Thursday afternoon and I'm supposed to be at a funeral right now. I've never been to a funeral and am not in attendance because I threw my back out this week... but that is another story. My dear friend Robyn and my college roommate for some time, lost her little sister last week in a car accident. She was 28 years old with two boys, 1 and 3. The kids weren't in the car, but her husband was; he survived it and she did not. I don't know the details of what happened or when or how but I do know that she was not killed on impact. As I have thought about the situation often since I heard the news, and have found it hard not to personalize it.

I think about how her boys won't remember her at all. I think about my boys and how hard I work for them and how fiercely I love them and how all I am is funneled into their care and nurturing and that I do all of that hoping one day they will feel that love and believe it. I wonder if she had the chance to say good by. I wonder if she was scared knowing that she wouldn't be there to watch them grow up. They won't ever feel how much she has sacrificed for them and given up for them, not in a way that is resentful but in a way that is empty of self and full of joy. They won't know the extent of the love their dad had for her and although they will hear stories, they won't see it, they won't absorb it.

It makes me grateful for each day. It sobers me with the reality of our frailty and smallness. But it also reminds me of the importance and largeness of what we are called to do. As parents, spouses, siblings and children we are called to love and so we do with all our hang ups and hesitations. We move through life with our heads far away from what is real and what is now and occasionally we accomplish through the grace of God a true moment of love in spite of ourselves.

I'm broken hearted for those boys and their father, but I'm also mystified by the way God works. I know life wins. Right now it doesn't seem like it and I don't know how it will for Robyn, but I know that it will.

Featured Vendor!

Look Mom! I'm a featured vendor on this website. It is for a show I'm participating in on May 9th. It is from 11-5 at the SPACE design collective located at 7601 Greenwood Ave. N. (Suite 103) If you are anywhere near Greenwood you should stop by. It should be fun. Now back to sewing.

San Pedrito, Mexico from Jon Anderson on Vimeo.

Here is a video from a photo journalist I know. These are all still shots from a trip my mom went on in March. It is from a village on the southern border of Mexico. An organization out of Seattle called Agros buys land throughout Central America and provides the beginings of an infrastructure for native people to break out of the cycle of poverty. I traveled with this organization 10 years ago in college and experienced an amazing trip through Guatemala. Agros buys this land and people apply to live on it and a village is formed. Then through agricultural development of the land villagers eventually earn enough to pay Agros back for the land itself and become property owners. Agros operates internationally but employs nationals to work with their own people as well as sending teams from the states to partner with specific villages. It is impressive to see the gospel worked out so tangibally.

He Conquered Death

Here is a cake that Josh made. It had 6 layers. 7 were intended to represent the 7 layers of hell, but as you can see it began to fall apart, so the symbolism wasn't totally complete. Josh wanted to cut a hole out of the center and have Jesus rising out of it, but he decided that the natural breech of the cake structure looked more realistic, so it was a blessing in disguise. Dave Sellers said, "It tasted like hell, but I'd eat it again." Happy Easter.

For that Saturday Afternoon When you have Nothing to Do

WHO IS THIS GUY!? I found him online. I know nothing about him. Amazing. I'm going to try it. It reminds me of the Halloween at Cornish when we carved pumpkins with power tools.

Birds fly, Fish swim....

I have an internal obsession about looking good. Not actually looking good. That would be ridiculous and a bit of an upward battle at this stage of the game, but looking good when considered by others. I compare. All the time. I wonder if my grammar is good enough.. obviously not in this entry... I wonder if my attitude is good enough. Am I cynical enough for the cynics? Am I good enough for the noble? Am I positive enough for the optimists? I find myself never actually achieving the lifestyle that I profess and instead simply perfecting the art of faking it. I profess to have hope in Christ. Do I? No. I panic in the face of my own weakness. I profess to have faith in situations that call for proof. Do I? No. I trust in my own intellect and manipulation skills to get me out of binds. I am a guilty liar.

You know those strip malls that they're making now and even in regular malls where they make the front of the store look like an authentic Bahamas cabana or a festive fruit stand, or a grand old library and it is really just Barnes and Noble, American Eagle and Bath and Body Works? I absolutely hate it cause it is all marketing. It is like going to an amusement park and actually believing that you are ON the Matterhorn, instead of in a bunch of fiberglass in Anaheim. You think that you're buying something that is a product of fresh fruit infused into your lotion right there instead of a bunch of chemicals from a factory in Pennsylvania squirted into a bottle.

I'm getting there... wait for it..

That is what I am.. A product made to look like the real thing. I have the intention to do the things I say, but when it comes down to it I am on auto pilot. My friend and I were talking about gardening the other day and she said something like, "I'll have to have you come over and help me cause it sounds like you really know what you're doing." In my wicked black heart I thought, "YES! I fooled her! I have no idea when the right time to separate dahlias is, but she thinks I do!" Maybe that is a dumb example but I guess it is the frequency with which I have these little conversations in my head that bothers me. And what bothers me more is that I NEED to have that affirmation to feel secure. I NEED to have my pack of lies purchased to feel safe and like I belong.

My mom always says, "Never compare because when you do, you're comparing your worst to someone else's best." She's right. But I still do it. It is how I live. Birds fly, fish swim and I compare. It is so built into me that I don't know what rest is. I was listening to a sermon that reminded me about the simplicity of the gospel, about the peace of the gospel and how absolutely scandalous it is. I can't even accept it because it cancels me out. My efforts have nothing to do with it. My resume doesn't matter. Jesus offers peace. Peace with who I am. Peace with who I"m not. Jesus offers confidence in who I am and who I'm not. Can you imagine genuine confidence? Not arrogance, not an assurance that you're competent, but a peace that it is really a non issue? I don't know how to live like that. Yet that is what I say I do. That is what I build my life on. How can you build your life on something that you don't know how to live in your heart?

I've been struggling with a lot of anxiety lately and just the fact that it is a struggle seems wrong as a Christian, and I don't know how to resolve that and then the actual issue that your anxious over is there and then you cycle back to the sin of anxiety and it gets really old really fast. I wonder why I can't just let Christ be the peace of these issues and I am drawing a blank. Part of me says let go and see what happens and another part of me yells BE RESPONSIBLE!

It comes back to the question who does God want me to be versus What does God want me to do? I wish I could be ok with just answering the first one, but the second one seems so much more attainable to me. I start to look around and wonder who else has these questions and I'm back to the beginning.. comparing myself to make sure I'm safe instead of just being.

fish spelled backwards

So my mom is a bit of a spelling and grammar nut. More formally a linguist, but she's too goofy for that title, so I prefer to call her an enthusiast. She gets super annoyed at things like evolving language and I bet if you asked her what Ebonics was she wouldn't know. In any case she and I have this game that we don't really have a name for, but we will periodically pick a word and find another word that sounds like it could be the original word spelled backwards, but it totally isn't. For instance:

Early is Lorrie spelled backwards. It isn't. But it sounds similar enough that we think it is funny cause it is confusing nonsense.

Sound is Dunce spelled backwards.

School is locks spelled backwards.

So I was reading this kids book this past week and one of the lines said, " a fish said hush in the water."

I really liked the way those words sound together. SO I decided that fish is hush spelled backwards.

I wish I could come up with better examples cause it is a very fun game if you're tired and with my mom. Maybe it is just funny making my mom think hard when she is tired.

yard is draw spelled backwards.
light bulb is tight lobe spelled backwards.
dresser is yesterday spelled backwards.
dumb is nub spelled backwards.
inertia is nasturtium spelled backwards.

Think about it.

Recent Work

Here is a baby octopus I painted right before Jonah was born and a photo of an anemone I took right before Jonah was born. They both are part of a larger thought process right now that is not fully flushed out, but I'll post more when it is.

Plodding Along

So both the boys are sick and feeling rotten. They wake up 3 or 4 times a night each crying for something and I feel a little bit like a zombie. They were sick the whole month of January and just caught it again last week. Seriously that gave me like 3.5 weeks of normalcy. They don't even go to daycare or anything. My days are spent wiping noses and folding laundry covered in snot. Well the laundry shouldn't be covered in snot anymore cause I washed it, but it was before.

Eli has been into baking these days though and so we made carrot spice cup cakes today and frosting. He likes unwrapping the butter, cracking the eggs and playing in the sink after everything is mixed in. He also likes tasting the batter. He doesn't realize when the right time to taste is though, so he'll "sneak" a big handful of baking soda thinking it is going to be yummy and it's not. Jonah is still not as photographed as Eli ever was. That is the plight of the second born. I've been trying to set him up and pose him for little photo shoots though when I can. My brother in law said that he's going to have to wear his hair long as he gets older cause his ears stick out so far, but I think they're kind of cute.

The Swearing in

This is a painting by Jacob Lawrence that I really enjoy. It is from Carter's inauguration I think, and seems like it is pretty appropriate for today as well. It is all about the people. All different shapes, and colors. Not a great copy of the file, but you get the idea. Yes we can. I will write more when I don't have a crying baby and wild two year old on my hands.

Epiphany

Epiphany is when the wise men arrived and saw Jesus for the first time after his birth. Most scholars agree that Jesus was a "young child" when they arrived instead of an infant and I wonder if Mary and Joseph hung around in the stable all that time cause you always see them there with the shepherds in the pictures and you'd think that by that time the shepherds would be pretty tight with the holy family, but they always look as awestruck as the wise men. Then there is the whole fleeing from Herod part and you wonder how long that big star was up in the sky. It is all very chronologically confusing to me. And you've got to wonder what Mary was really pondering in her heart. Was she thinking, "What a mistake this Joseph was. Talk about no plan.. Oh let's just show up in Bethlehem and hope we can find somewhere to stay. Oh I guess you'll just have to go through labor on the back of a donkey. Oh this barn with poopy hay looks good. Hey why don't you use this slop trough to put the King of the universe in?" I'm sure she had buyer's remorse more than a few times with that one. I get pissed if Josh and I go on a date and he doesn't have a plan, cause we sit around saying I don't know what do you want to do?...but Joseph takes the cake this time. Having a baby right before Christmas has been a sobering reminder of the hardship that Mary overcame. She has to do the whole birth thing and then face her "postpartum" stage in a poopy barn. Talk about grounds for postpartum depression. No lactation consultant, no midwife even, just "All Star Joe" over here to figure it out with her. I'm sure she was having a hard time trusting the angel's words. But if she had been unwilling.. if she had given up or bailed on even one detail of the way it happened, what a different implication there would be. As it is anyone is welcome, the poorest most insignificant person could enter without threat and receive. God's plans are a mystery and looking back on the past year and ahead to the new one, I'll be interested to see what absurdity God will make good.

Hot Wheels

So I didn't get a Christmas present this year (not entirely true.. a David Sedaris book and a gift certificate to Esther's) because Josh and I have been talking about getting a new car. Considering that our current car is 30+ years old and becoming increasingly smaller with the size of our growing family, we decided to get something a bit bigger and newer to ease Josh's mechanical anxiety. We researched a number of vans and SUVs (neither of which I wanted to drive) and came up with the Mazda 5. It seats 6 and gets 30+mpg on the highway. It is smaller than a van, but bigger than a wagon. The back 2 seats fold down for added cargo room and for even bigger cargo space the 2 middle seats do too. We will most likely not use the 3rd row seating except on special occasion, but I'm pretty stoked to have a car this "new". The newest car I've ever owned is a 91 Ford Ranger that I bought in 2003, so a 2006 car in 2009 is pretty exciting. It also has 2 rear sliding doors, which will prove to be the avoidance of much parking lot strife in the years to come with 2 boys getting in and out. We're so thankful to be able to afford this right now and will be selling the aforementioned Ford Ranger, so if you know anyone wanting a truck, give us a holler. Oh ya, ours is black and awaiting a name.