So you know the saying, "The difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut is about 2 weeks."? I've got to say I'm going to disagree with that one. The difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut is that with a good haircut you don't get so hysterical that you throw up. Let me elaborate.
Eli has has had the cutest, longest curls lately and it has been bordering on the feminine/ white trash line. Some people ask how old SHE is, and other more daring people say things like way to bring back the mullett. (In not so many words) So Josh and I decided that we were going to wait on the first haircut till he turned 2. But more and more the trailer park look was coming out and in the bathtub when it was wet, it was down past his shoulders. So I thought ok, I'll give in to popular fashion and TRIM it.
So we set him up in his high chair in front of the computer right after bath time, which is one of his favorite events of the day, (bath time, not computer time) and found some truck videos on youtube. I start combing and he is ok, but a bit annoyed and then the chunks start falling and he starts to get a bit unsettled. He's not looking at the 4" screen anymore and is now looking at the hair stuck all over his fingers and sleeves and trying to pick it off. Getting frustrated he starts to cry which produces more moisture in the form of snot and tears on his face with which to catch falling hair. Turning frantic he begins rubbing his face and I begin cutting wildly and after about 10 minutes his hair was not SO bad, but Josh was not pleased and so I said, "FINE just buzz it."
The clippers come out and that is when it gets really bad. He is no longer just fidgeting in the highchair, he is now semi- thrashing and I am holding him down, so Josh can finish the job. The snot and hair and sound and tears are getting to be too much for me so at the soonest possible moment I grab him out of the chair and head for the bathtub to rinse him off.
He doesn't want to get back in the tub cause we already did all of that. I start the water and check the temperature, but he was not expecting it I guess and it was either too hot or a shock and as I pour the bowl of water over his shoulders he screams, jumps (as well as a year and a half year old can jump) and slips from his "standing holding the side of the tub" position hits his head and slides right into the stream of hot water. That really does it and he is now hysterical. I get him out and dry him off, take him to his room and lie him down on the changing table. He is absolultely beside himself and begining to choke and cough from the screaming. Then he throws up.
When one throws up lying down it can be problematic and they say in all the first aid manuals that when this happens you should turn the "patient"/ "victim"/ "thrower-upper" on their side to make sure the airway is not blocked. So as my child chokes on the changing table and begins to turn purple I panic and flip him over holding him by the stomach and lightly shake. They also say in the aformentioned manuals never to shake a child, but this was more of a attempted dislodging shake and not a frustrated angry I want you to shut up shake. In any case now when I think about it I probably looked like a 3 year old holding their favorite cat and dragging the poor thing about quite uncomfortably, but again I was panicing. I yell for Josh to bring some water. I start slapping Eli on the back and VOI LA! approximately a quarter cup of snot and slime come out of his mouth and into my hand and lap.
For the next 15 minutes he and I rested and snuggled in our bed (after of course taking care of the barf) trying to forget the trauma we just underwent. I hate the haircut. It makes him look like a bully kid and like he's going to steal your kid's lunch any minute. He doesn't look like my little baby boy anymore and I'm never cutting his hair again. It has been 2 days now and I'm getting more used to it, but I still hate how short it is and I miss his little curls. Sniff Sniff.