Snow Days

We've lived on the Island for 2o years now and I've never seen this much snow fall at once. I think it is over a foot at this point. The last time it was anywhere near this deep was 1990 or 91.. I can't remember and then it was only like 6 or 7 inches. Eli hates it and Josh needs older kids to play with cause all he wants to do is throw snow balls which doesn't make Eli like it anymore.

Christmas Crime

Bainbrige Island Police Blotter #3?
(I can't remember how many I've posted)

December 12
Impaled: A tree branch fell vertically through the windshield of Toyota Camry driven by a Bainbridge man on Lynwood Center road shortly after 4pm. The incident was blamed on the wind. No injuries.

Rustled: A three foot tall white reindeer lawn ornament was reported stolen from the yard of a Cherry Avenue home sometime during the night. A remaining reindeer was placed on top of one another in a "compromising position," police reported. The missing reindeer was valued at $80.

Get Lost

My friend DW gave me a book called, " A Field Guide to Getting Lost" and I came across this passage that took me a minute to digest and thought it was worth sharing:
"To be lost is to be fully present, and to be fully present is to be capable of being in uncertainty and mystery. And one does not get lost but loses oneself with the implication that it is a conscious choice, a chosen surrender, a psychic state achievable through geography. That thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you is usually what you need to find, and finding it is a matter of getting lost. The word "lost" comes from the Old Norse los, meaning the disbanding of an army, and this origin suggests soldiers falling out of formation to go home, a truce with the wide world. I worry now that many people never disband their armies, never go beyond what they know."
-Rebbecca Solnit

Christmas Balls

If I had balls this is what I would have put in the "personal message" portion of the lame pre-designed Christmas Card that I decided to do this year:
"I shouldn't have to tell you that we love you and that you are important to us because I'm not the kind of girl that sends out curteousy cards and if you're getting one of these it's because we like you and appreciate you in our lives."

Instead I wrote Merry Christmas with love... or something like that.

Maybe not Forever

So this evening is one of the first times I've gotten away from the boys since Jonah has arrived. I went to Esther's and the bookstore and the studio in that order. I am out and about with Eli and Jonah and have not shut myself up in the house because I have a new baby or anything, but it somehow felt different having alone time tonight. I felt like all these people have lives and see each other each day and know what the sky looks like because they're under it. (that sounds dumb, but I'm going off the top of my head right now..) There are honestly days when the only reason I go outside is to get in the car to pick up Josh from the boat.

I spend the day doing things without a break and at the end of it, I can't think of one thing I accomplished. If I cleaned the kitchen undoubtedly it needs cleaning again or will need cleaning again within 20 minutes of being up in the morning. Or if I conquered the pile of laundry it is only to see that Josh's work clothes are dirty from that day, or Eli wets the bed and I start all over again. It isn't out of resentment that I write that, it's just reality. So when do I stop? When am I finished? Maybe that isn't part of the deal. Isn't my job though as a mother and a wife as Josh and I have defined it for our family, to manage our household? So if I had a job as a project manager like my dad, then I would dissect the tasks needed to accomplish the project and delegate what could be delegated and prioritize the rest right? I feel like that is what I do, but it never ends. So when I go out and see other people who don't know or care what my kitchen looks like or haven't ever in their life considered the state of my carpet, I think why do I get so wrapped up in keeping things going at home when there is a whole world operating outside of me and will continue even if I don't.

I've never been good with micro vs. macro and find them hard to separate because they are so interconnected to me. If I don't keep the house running, Josh doesn't have clean clothes to wear to work and doesn't have a lunch to take with him. And if Josh doesn't have those things, he gets grouchy like anyone would, and then is theoretically less productive at work. Then his company is less successful and loses money which then puts Josh's job in jeopardy which then puts the family at risk and then my boys will grow up to be crazy criminals because they had irresponsible parents and sucky roll models and then the world at large is subject to their behavior and I've increased the national debt by filtering 2 more bodies into the justice system and our nation is at jeopardy all because I wanted to watch TV instead of wash clothes or go grocery shopping.

Obviously this is a gross dramatization and I don't really think that way, but it does cross my mind what the affects and effects of my responsibilities at home are. Our friend Dave told Josh that you either have a creative wife or a clean wife and I feel like that isn't totally true, but I do feel the pull of the extremes. I want to be both and keeping up with the clutter and cleanliness of this little house makes me crave creativity, but if it isn't clean, I feel like I'm going to suffocate and can't think. So what do I do? I work all day to tidy up and by the time I catch a minute to myself to be creative, I'm too tired to think or be insightful. This is my big struggle.

Energy to be insightful. My friend Cindy says that God has a lot of grace for new mothers, and I hope she is right, because there isn't a whole lot of meditation or daily devotion flowing from my life right now. And when there isn't meditation there isn't art. So do I trade my family for my gifting or my practice? I think I have. Maybe not forever, but I sat here rocking Jonah to sleep when the rest of the house had gone quiet for the night and I looked at him so comfortable and trusting in my arms and I thought this is what everyone wants. The kind of promise and hope and opportunity found in a baby.. the clean slate.. and if I choose my work over that I am first being selfish, and second missing the point. Not because all women are good for and should do is raise children and find utter joy in that, but because maybe that is where the answer of the micro vs. macro lies. Maybe the journey in raising these boys is the meditation, is the art and is the practice. Maybe they are the product and yes what I do on a daily basis has a profound affect on their outcome, but it has a profound affect on my outcome as well. So stopping to be in the moment while the dishes pile up or Josh wearing the dirty work pants one extra day because Eli and I make a blanket fort isn't a crisis, but I am always feeling a pull from either extreme and each day I wrestle to stay in the middle.

This isn't what I set out to write about and I don't know how to put into words what I did want to write about..and this all seems quite personal but I really do struggle with the pull. I often wish I could just catch up but I'm begining to think it doesn't work that way.

All the Cars Have Clean Diapers

So today Eli was a total turkey. Thanksgiving is the day after tomorrow and we all know what happens to turkeys a day or two before Thanksgiving... He was throwing cars at Jonah's head, tried at one point to throw the bouncy chair at Jonah's head while I was nursing and repeatedly hit Jonah while I had my back turned. So I'm playing interference all day, he took an hour long nap when usually it is 2 hours, and he dumped the clean laundry out of the basket all over the floor. I was about ready to kill him when he came up to me while I was feeding Jonah again with a car in hand. He seems to know that I am a bit incapacitated (for discipline) when I've got a boob hanging out. So I got ready as I saw the car and instead of throwing it, he lifts up the hood, cause it is fancy and has a hood, and says, "Mama, car, diaper, change." I looked at him and asked, "Do you have a stinky diaper?" He looked at me and then the car and lifted up the hood again and said, "Mama, car, diaper, change." I giggled and asked if the car needed it's diaper changed and he smiled and said, "YA!" Then he brought a firetruck with a hood that opens and another vehicle with an opening hood and lined them all up for a "diaper change". Apparently you change a car's diaper under the hood. I think those little things that come out of their mouths at just the right time are God's built in life insurance policy so tired mothers don't go insane. And yes, all the cars now have clean diapers.

Jump Around

So I guess we do live in "Stars Hollow", as Dawn Cerny has always suspected, judging from yesterday's events for Halloween. Every year the shops on Winslow Way close at 4pm for the trick or treating frenzy that ensues from 4-6. The shop keepers come out to their doorsteps and all the kids on the Island come dressed up and trick or treat down main street. They close the street down and have police officers directing traffic and the Congregational church on the corner of Madison and Winslow Way plays spooky music on their pipe organ that is heard all through town. Josh and I were astonished at the amount of candy these merchants have to buy and when we told Eli to only take one piece they said, "Oh he can have more than one!" (Maybe they don't say that to all the kids .... Maybe just cause he was so cute.) Cross Sound has a tradition of going before the trick or treating downtown starts, to one of the local senior housing complexes and visiting the residents. We did that last year when Eli was a honey pot, and this year when he was a kangaroo. Both costumes were supplied but the former Brown sisters, and cost less than $10 second hand. It poured rain in the morning but by late afternoon turned out to be just perfect for an idyllic walk or jump downtown.

Now that Jonah is here....

I haven't posted about our newest arrival yet, cause frankly I want it to be really endearing and meaningful and insightful when I do and I just don't have it in me at this point. I have been a mama of 2 for 10 days now, and feel pretty normal. Nothing like the horrible sleepless nights everyone has described and definitely different than just Eli, but all in all kindof business as usual. I think I am just so glad to not be pregnant anymore and have my body back in the touch your toes kind of way that nothing else is phasing me. Now.. I am stil freshly post-partum and may eat my words in a week or two or maybe even tomorrow, but for now things are good. One thing I have noticed is that you know when you have a part time job you kindof dread going? Like why bother, cause you're not really invested, and you've got other things you would like to be doing, but you have a comittment to be there, so you are. That is sort of how I feel about having 1 child. That sounds bad, cause I don't have anything more important than Eli and I don't dread him at all, but in the back of my head I think.."I could be accomplishing something else theoretically.." Now that Jonah is here, I feel a little more free to have a little less ambition and instead just enjoy where I am. That being said, I do have some sewing endevors that I'm iching to get going on and painted 2 new paintings last month before the birth. I would like to hang on to that momentum. Then there is always reinstating my stomach muscles... I suppose there will have to be some prioritizing, but that is the beauty of this time. No one expects me to have it figured out yet. So for now I'm just soaking up my sweet baby and wishing that he would stay small and pink forever.

Catching up..

Here are a few highlights from the last month and a half of Eli's life.. I've been preoccupied with the birth and getting my job handed off for maternity leave and Josh's hours have been cut back at work due to slowing in the industry, so there has been a bit of distraction. I doubt anyone is even reading this because it has been so long since I posted, I'm sure my "reader base" has given up on me.. But in case you haven't, enjoy these pictures and I'll post some of the newest Brouwer, Jonah soon. Pancake breakfast at the fire station...
Aquarium trip with Avery.....
Bathtime in the kitchen sink...

wearing Josh's boots....
The petting farm at the Puyallup fair...
first carnival ride...(compliments of Grandpa Herm)

Due Date

It is my dear sweet friend Morgan's due date today. She has been one of my closest friends for almost 20 years now. I can't believe it has been that long. It makes me feel old to say that I have had a close friend for 20 years. This picture was taken about 2 weeks ago and yes, she is due today and I am due in 9 weeks! Not fair. I hope and pray that your little guy comes soon Morgie and that the birth is wonderful. I'm mean as wonderful as birth can be. (just joking, it will be amazing) Hang in there.

All Comers Track Meet

So every Monday evening in the summer, at 6:30, on our little Island, the middle school track becomes home to athletic hopefuls who want to show the world what they're made of in the 50, 100 and 200 yard dashes. As it was our first time attending, I wasn't sure what to expect but after tonight's performances by the Brouwer boys, I'm proud of the stock I come from. In the 3 and under boys division, Eli finished absolute last in the 50 yard dash, even with help from Josh. He brought his standing up to 3rd from last out of about 25 boys though in the 100 yard dash and I'm confident that he was just getting his bearings and that he is more built for long distances. We elected to sit the 200 yard dash out though because as Josh says, "There is nothing wrong with knowing your limits."

As for Josh, in the 50 yard dash for the 12 and over division, the dasher was uncontested. So when it came time for the 100 yard event, he marched his sandal wearing self over to the start line and raced 3 other fine competitors including the Rev. Dave Sellers himself. Josh came in 4th but again, he's wearing Carhartts and Chacos. Dave won the bronze and the other 2 guys were a lot younger and faster. All in all I feel proud to know that while the rest of the world is sitting on their couches letting the professionals do it in China, my boys were out there even for the 1/2 hour it was, making it happen for themselves.

The Rich Man's Feast

So I've been developing this 8 week course for grades K-6 on the parables of Jesus. So far we've done a treasure hunt to demonstrate God's seeking us out like in the lost sheep, a moblie out of recycled materials made into birds, to represent the "second chance" God gives all of us as in the unforgiving servant, and a "partner trust walk" to remind us of God's soverignty like in the workers in the vinyard. This past week we studied the rich man's feast and my dear friend Dawn and my dear husband Josh and I all worked out this painted picture scene that the kids had their picture taken with. It show the rich man inviting you, the beggar to the party. Pretty cute. The next few weeks hold a junior olympics (in honor of the summer olympics coming up) and the good samaratin having to overcome obstacles in order to help out someone in need, as well as rock paintings for the wise and foolish builder. It has been fun and challenging to come up with all these lessons and I seem to be a bit heavy on the craft side... wonder why? If you have any good game suggestions, send them my way.

New Tent

In the move last year some how we lost our camping equipment. A 2 man 4 season backpacking tent, a water filter, backpacking stove, and cookset and my climbing pack. I'm sad. We've looked everywhere and called random people, but assume we took the bin with all of it in there to Value village. Again, Sad. So Josh went out and bought a new to us, used one at Second Asscent in Ballard and we are very excited. We probably won't have much use for a 2 man tent anymore anyway, so instead he got a roomy 3 man tent with a huge vestibule. I had never heard of the brand Exped before, and it turns out they're German and have really cool designs. SO here is our new tent. Josh and a few buddies and Gertie, are heading out next weekend to try it out. Should be fun, too bad I'm too fat to go. Eli and I will stay here and hold down the fort while the menfolk are gone.

lumps and humps

So Eli has this plastic camel that he just brought over to me very excitedly and pointed to the humps. He said "baby,....baby". HMMM. We've been trying to get the idea that I have a baby in my lump of a tummy, but I think this proves we've taken a wrong turn somewhere.

Creativity Abounds

So I've been lamenting my lack of interest and motivation for painting right now and I'm finding myself making excuses about why I'm not doing it. I'm too tired, I'm not emotionally astute, I'm not focused enough, my time is spent doing other things... etc. I think when it comes down to it though, I'm scared of making something stupid and ugly. Not even so much the ugly, just nothing insightful. So there is that. I am however puting my creative impulse to work elsewhere these days. I just finished a new bag for myself last night, cause I've been carrying around the same purse since my 20th birthday. I decided it was time. There is an Amy Butler pattern that I like and am totally unwilling to spend $14 for when I can figure it out myself. So I made this one up and it is pretty close...

I used the left-over fabric that I had gotten to recover my Rotary Auction dining room chairs and am pretty excited about it. It has two secret inside pockets too.

I also have been trying to figure out where we are going to put this new baby when it shows up and am trying to eliminate stuff and economize space. So I rigged up some shelves in the laundry room where I had had a favorite painting and am going to use this as a "linnen closet" instead of the dresser in our bedroom. That should make room for a basinet of some sort. (I'm thinking I'll use the antique pram I found on the side of the road) (It sounds bad, but it really isn't.) Anyway I think Josh will probably freak out about the "ghetto" shelves, but I think they're sort of clever. Since he has forbidden cinder-block furniture (one of my pre-marital staples) I used matching file baskets and various odd drawers instead. He's still going to freak out, but it is putting the funk in functional. So there you have it, no masterpieces to be written about in years to come, but a little outlet for my creative urges.

Watermellon

Random thought #2

If I were an eccentric billionaire, I would pay someone to agitate my condiments in the refrigerator maybe once a week, cause it grosses me out that they sit there for months on end with out moving at all.

Bainbridge Island Police Blotter Chapter 2

May 18
Showered: A North Madison Ave. resident called police shortly after 4p.m. to report that his house had been broken into. No items were reported stolen, but the shower had been used, and a bottle of lotion spilled. The homeowner estimated damages to his door at $600.

May 15
Yelling with Happiness: Police officers were called to Hidden Cove Park to deal with an "out of control male" shortly before 3:30 p.m. Officers found the 36 year old man yelling, sweating and waving his arms. The man said he was yelling "simply because it was a nice day." Police asked him to celebrate the day more quietly. He agreed, and announce he'd take a walk to his nearby home. No charges.

Slept: A Wing Point rd. resident reported that his unlocked guest house had been slept in overnight by an unknown person. The man's wife had noticed a light on in the guest house and called her husband to investigate. He noted that the bed had been slept in and a few cupboards had been opened, but nothing appeared missing or stolen. The family and the police searched the rest of the property but found nothing missing or damaged.

Sunny Day

Solo-Mente Uno!

Some of you might have heard about the "twins scare of 2008" (i should rephrase that cause it wouldn't have been that bad) but in fact we are not having twins. Baby Brouwer #2 is floating solo and now we just have to decide whether we're going to cave and find out the sex. I doubt it, but I'm all antsy. Anyway with our little monkey Eli being the quintessential 18 month old and Josh being who he is I would say that 1 more is going to keep me quite busy as it is.

Note the picture: Josh gives Eli a bath and decides to send him outside in his frog boots totally nakes. Eli finds wheelbarrow and provides perfect picture opportunity.

In other news their latest after work game is riding down the long steep driveway in the radio flyer wagon. I insisted on helmets after the first few runs. Short video clip will hopefully be posted soon.

Bainbridge Island Police Blotter April 24 2008

In our little local paper they publish a smattering of summaries of the weekly police activity here on Bainbridge. I'm not sure how they choose which ones to summarize, but this one was my favorite from last week and it is in no way fictional.

April 24
Disobeyed: A father called police to his Tolo Road house to report that his 12 year old son would not obey him. The son had reportedly been cutting paper for a school project and refused to move his project. The boy told police he did not want to move his project, asked to hear "alternative" proposals to moving his project, asked for a written contract and "lobbied to bring his own bed if he was placed" in a juvenile detention facility, according to police. Police explained to the boy that he had an obligation to obey his father. The boy agreed and discussed with police "some possible coping measures to alleviate his frustration and foster more effective communication with his father."

This leads me to two conclusions:
1. Our schools are putting a lot of pressure on kids about their homework
2.They are doing a very effective job of developing student's vocabulary

Science in Action

So last weekend when it was 75 and NOT snowing in April, Josh built a 3 bin composter. It is a design that we had seen at the Seattle Tilth and our local library where they have a community garden. It is cool cause it keeps the compost separated and aerated and helps you keep track of how long the pile has been "cooking". Once your pile is 3' square, you let it sit for 30 days and then turn it into the next bin. By the time the last cycle is over you should have lovely compost ready for your garden. It is faster than a worm bin and can accept more volume and variety of organic matter. I have peas, spinach, endive, romaine, onions, garlic, carrots, beans and strawberries going so far though it is early for some of them and hopefully our compost will keep them growing strong all summer.

In other news, Eli and I made our first trek to the Seattle Science Center this past week with our friends Elle and Avery. Eli enjoyed the wooden helicopter and being able to sit in the driver's seat and push buttons that make the lights turn on. We tried going to the planetarium for a slide show of the solar system but he made it clear that he preferred the helicopter and a snack instead.

The Difference Between a Good Haircut and a Bad Haircut

So you know the saying, "The difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut is about 2 weeks."? I've got to say I'm going to disagree with that one. The difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut is that with a good haircut you don't get so hysterical that you throw up. Let me elaborate.

Eli has has had the cutest, longest curls lately and it has been bordering on the feminine/ white trash line. Some people ask how old SHE is, and other more daring people say things like way to bring back the mullett. (In not so many words) So Josh and I decided that we were going to wait on the first haircut till he turned 2. But more and more the trailer park look was coming out and in the bathtub when it was wet, it was down past his shoulders. So I thought ok, I'll give in to popular fashion and TRIM it.

So we set him up in his high chair in front of the computer right after bath time, which is one of his favorite events of the day, (bath time, not computer time) and found some truck videos on youtube. I start combing and he is ok, but a bit annoyed and then the chunks start falling and he starts to get a bit unsettled. He's not looking at the 4" screen anymore and is now looking at the hair stuck all over his fingers and sleeves and trying to pick it off. Getting frustrated he starts to cry which produces more moisture in the form of snot and tears on his face with which to catch falling hair. Turning frantic he begins rubbing his face and I begin cutting wildly and after about 10 minutes his hair was not SO bad, but Josh was not pleased and so I said, "FINE just buzz it."

The clippers come out and that is when it gets really bad. He is no longer just fidgeting in the highchair, he is now semi- thrashing and I am holding him down, so Josh can finish the job. The snot and hair and sound and tears are getting to be too much for me so at the soonest possible moment I grab him out of the chair and head for the bathtub to rinse him off.

He doesn't want to get back in the tub cause we already did all of that. I start the water and check the temperature, but he was not expecting it I guess and it was either too hot or a shock and as I pour the bowl of water over his shoulders he screams, jumps (as well as a year and a half year old can jump) and slips from his "standing holding the side of the tub" position hits his head and slides right into the stream of hot water. That really does it and he is now hysterical. I get him out and dry him off, take him to his room and lie him down on the changing table. He is absolultely beside himself and begining to choke and cough from the screaming. Then he throws up.

When one throws up lying down it can be problematic and they say in all the first aid manuals that when this happens you should turn the "patient"/ "victim"/ "thrower-upper" on their side to make sure the airway is not blocked. So as my child chokes on the changing table and begins to turn purple I panic and flip him over holding him by the stomach and lightly shake. They also say in the aformentioned manuals never to shake a child, but this was more of a attempted dislodging shake and not a frustrated angry I want you to shut up shake. In any case now when I think about it I probably looked like a 3 year old holding their favorite cat and dragging the poor thing about quite uncomfortably, but again I was panicing. I yell for Josh to bring some water. I start slapping Eli on the back and VOI LA! approximately a quarter cup of snot and slime come out of his mouth and into my hand and lap.

For the next 15 minutes he and I rested and snuggled in our bed (after of course taking care of the barf) trying to forget the trauma we just underwent. I hate the haircut. It makes him look like a bully kid and like he's going to steal your kid's lunch any minute. He doesn't look like my little baby boy anymore and I'm never cutting his hair again. It has been 2 days now and I'm getting more used to it, but I still hate how short it is and I miss his little curls. Sniff Sniff.

Eli is pretty excited about cars and trucks right now and so I've decided to do some drawings for him along those lines. He has some antique toys that were my brothers and I've been using them as still life subjects. This one is an image from a print I did in college. It is just a quick ink drawing and he seems to like it cause he yells "BU" (which is bus in Eli) whenever he sees it.

An Email from my friend Stephanie

Kids draw something and you just have to say....'Wow, tell me about your picture,' because you have no clue what it is....This one you know right away...Enjoy!
OF COURSE THEY'RE SCISSORSQUOTE FROM THE MOM:THIS IS MY KINDERGARTNER'S ARTISTIC RENDERING OF A PAIR OF SCISSORS. I WONDERWHAT HIS TEACHER THOUGHT.I ALLOWED MYSELF JUST A SMALL SMIRK WHEN I SAW IT. I WAITED UNTIL HE WAS OUT OF THE ROOM UNTIL I STARTED CRYING FROM LAUGHING SO HARD.
WELL, OF COURSE THEY'RE SCISSORS.
IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE WITH A SMALL CHILD OR IF YOU ARE A TEACHER YOU WILL LOVE THIS!AS YOU ALL KNOW I WILL BE REQUIRED TO PROUDLY DISPLAY THIS ONMY REFRIGERATOR FOR A LENGTH OF TIME . .

Random thought #1

As far as I'm concerned the only good use for shortening is rubbing it all over one's body when one wants to swim across the English channel.

El Corazon

This is my burning heart of love for you.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Love large.

So our first long distance travel with Eli went really well. We got back last week from Southern California where Josh's older brother Jason lives with his lovely wife Jen and their 4 children Nick, Max, Maggie, and Ben. We basqued in the 65 degree weather and enjoyed seeing the family. I visited the beach where my grandparents lived for over 30 years and introduced Eli to his G-G-ma and G-G-pa. Josh turned 30 and said we need to have a lot more children as soon as possible. We'll see.