Paper Cuts

Here are some new pieces I have been working on in the last month or so. I was commissioned to do the art for a poster for an upcoming festival on the island and was so excited to not be responsible for any of the formatting or text or printing. Just images. From that I got another commission for an image of a house in South America that will be used on a t-shirt. So now I'm all excited about this process and experimenting a bit. I also owe a friend a piece of art and am sending her the apron. (Shh... don't tell and if you're reading this Sarah G. don't look. ..wink wink...) I can't seem to upload the file for the poster, so for now just the gift.

The End of an Era

Josh helped my dad replace a light bulb in their entry way fixture today that is probably about 20 feet up. They used a ladder and neither of them are blonde so this is not about how many dad's it takes to screw in a lightbulb or anything it is just funny because my dad has a secret. He has this experiment or study or general record keeping ritual I guess of writing the date with a sharpie on his light bulbs before he puts them in. He does this not because he has OCD but because he likes to track how long certain brands last in specific fixtures. It absolutely cracks me up and I harass him every chance I get.

So when Josh pulled out the bulb today it said 5.7.05. He asked my dad if he wanted to write that down somewhere in a very sarcastic tone and my dad said no. He then asked my dad if he wanted to write anything down before he installed the new one. My dad said he's actually NOT keeping track anymore! I can't believe it! He said he just decided to have faith in the product. I for one think it is just that he's getting soft. He's lost the dedication and the drive and the commitment to his research. I was crushed. AND now that he doesn't care anymore Josh's and my favorite April fools day idea will no longer matter. We have talked about for years, but never have replaced all the bulbs in their house with new ones that have dates from the future written on them.

In any case I do think it is amazing that the one they replaced today was from 05. Now if he could just work out a system to write the date of when it actually burned out so that you could track how long you live with it before it bugs you enough to actually do something about it. (ie: me putting the wash in with my headlamp on cause I'm too lazy to unscrew the fixture in the laundry room and just replace that darn bulb, cause I swear it goes out like every 2 months!) Maybe I should start writing the dates on MY bulbs.....Maybe I should consider what brand I use... what wattage is recommended for the fixture.... I see a spreadsheet coming on... Maybe my dad was on to something.

Recent Adventures

With the rainy weather lately we've been stretching our imaginations for activities indoors. We brought out my mom's old typewriter that I've had since high school and Eli loves listening to the hum of the machine and practicing finding letters. We also built play dough volcanos and did the magical experiment of baking soda and vinegar eruptions. We used like half the box of soda cause they thought it was so cool.

My dear friend Sarah had a week ago today a beautiful 12 pound boy at home after and hour and 15 min. of labor. Who does that? Well obviously she does!

A sweet kiss.

Some time spent at the beach watching the ferry pass by.

We discovered Pritchard Park last week which is embarrassing because we have lived here for so long and because it is no longer a new park, but I must say it is a new favorite and I can't wait to spend the warm summer days there.

Here are the super hero capes I made the boys a few weeks ago. Eli picked the fabric out of my stash. It is a 60's print of nautical flags that was my grandma's. It seems a funny choice to me, but it is his cape right?

highway to hell

These pictures show a sink hole that formed 2 days ago in Guatemala city due to their recent flooding and seismic activity including volcanic eruptions 60 miles south of the city. The Boston Globe website(?) says they still aren't sure why this sink hole formed and I actually don't know much more than that it is almost 60 km deep and that it enveloped an intersection and a 3 story building with it. They said the building had closed just an hour before it fell into the earth. Needless to say Guatemalans could use a shout out in your prayers this week. I traveled there in college for about 10 days and it has a special place in my heart. I can't imagine the scope of natural disasters like this one. I've never experienced anything like it. It offers a bit of perspective. My friend Mike is traveling to Antigua next week and described these images as pictures of the highway to hell.

Alaska 2010

Recent events took me to Alaska to celebrate my dear childhood friend's 30th birthday. We had a great time and it was so good to see where she lives. She and her husband have built 2 amazing houses themselves (like laying their own foundation with rebar and framing and such) and she is currently working as an assistant to the chief of police. I got to see the jail and the 911 call center switch board and the interrogation rooms and all kinds of cool stuff. She wouldn't show me the armory though. Anyway I had an amazing time sleeping through the night for 4 straight nights for the first time in almost 4 years! As well as garage sale-ing and hiking and swimming. Thanks again Taylor and Mike!

Toilet Built For Two « AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com 05/26/2010

Toilet Built For Two « AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com 05/26/2010
Oh my gosh this website was discovered with my dear childhood friend Taylor. It is the best website I've seen in a while. We laughed so hard we were crying.

Local Library features future famous artist's work

This past year at school I've been focusing my projects around children's illustration. My students have studied illustrators from the 1800's all the way up to contemporary artists. We had a local children's illustrator that I know come speak to the classes as well as the local Children's Librarian come and talk about the Caldecott award. It has been really fun to research and teach and as a final project I decided to display the student's work at the public library on the island. It will be up for the month of May and if any of you are about go in and see it. It is really cool to see kids connect with art in such a tangible way and to learn something about the art that is closest to them.

update

For those of you who enjoyed my auto shop story you might also enjoy knowing that after driving around on our little island for less than 2 weeks with that sign in my car, the owner of the shop called me at home and after a long unpleasant conversation ended up refunding me all of my money.

Mother's day 2010

My sweet husband built me a mobile green house for mother's day. I am very excited and have already planted my tomatos, onions, basil and peppers in it. It was a beautiful day of hanging out with family and working in the garden.

Local Auto shop takes advantage of frumpy mother

About a week and a half ago our check engine light came on. Since this is the first car I've owned with a functioning check engine light I thought I ought to pay attention to it. Josh asked me to make an appointment for a few days and I kept forgetting so at 8:40 am on our way to the park I pulled in to the shop where we usually go to see what they had available. We go there cause it is a mile and a half from our house and I can ride my bike to pick up the car if I need to.

I had both boys and the dog in the car and we, as I said, were on our way out for a walk. They said they could take the car right then and did I want to wait? I asked how long it would take and they said, "at least an hour for a check engine light." I said, "well I've got 2 little boys in the car and a dog so I don't think that we should wait, but we were planning on going for a walk, so we'll just walk home cause it's not that far." They offered to ride home with me, but I said it would be a nice walk.

So I got the boys all set in the stroller and then realized that I had forgotten Gertie's leash, so I found a bungee coard in the back of the car and wrapped it around her collar and set off. Keep in mind there are no sidewalks and at 8:45 a lot of SUV's and large trucks are making ours a pretty busy street. When we got to the road that leads up to the school I teach at I thought it isn't that much further and it would get us off the main road, so I headed up the hill. It is a steep hill and by now I realized the reason it felt like I was underwater while pushing was due to a flat front tire. I'm calculating the stroller and the boys at about 70 lbs and feeling good to be getting so much exercise. We reach the school at about 9:20 and there are 7 new baby lambs in the pasture. (For those who don't know the school is located on a working farm.) The boys were so excited and we stood and watched them and talked to them for about 15 min. before we started getting cold and headed home.

We got home around 9:45 about an hour exactly from when I dropped the car off, and there was a message on my machine saying the car was ready. I left the boys with my mom and rode my bike down the road assuring her I'd be back in 20 min. When I got to the shop I parked my bike and went inside. I told them I was there to pick up my car and the lady at the desk found the paperwork and handed me my invoice. It said that I owed them $100.67. I was trying to figure out where it said what they did and I asked, "So what was wrong with it?"

She looked at the paper and read "Check engine diagnostics...Fuel cap loose... Hazardous waste fee."

I said, "What does that mean?"

She asked one of the techs to confirm it and he said, "The fuel cap was loose." I asked, "Like the gas cap where you put gas in the car?"

"Yup."

"So you're charging me a hundred bucks to tell me my gas cap was loose?"

"Well your paying for the labor I guess."

I wasn't sure what to do. I could leave the car there and have Josh go duke it out with them when he got home, or I could pay it and send him back to argue later or I could argue now.

I took a quick reading of the situation. Me: yoga pants and a helmet. Them: office, lots of expensive cars in their shop and awards on the wall. I decided to pay and have Josh go back.

After she runs my card and gives me my receipt I ask where the car is, cause I didn't see it and she walks over to the wall with the keys and says, "Hmmm... I'm not sure where it is? The key isn't here... Let me ask around."

I thought "Uh ... Ok.. you go see if you can find my car and I'll just wait here feeling powerless and victimized."

She comes back bright eyed and bushy tailed saying, "They took it up on the back hill to wash it!"

Like that is supposed to make me feel better? I'm here to pick up a car that you said is ready and now it isn't and I had to pay $100 for you to tighten my gas cap. I've lost my sense of humor.

"How long is that going to take?"

"Oh only about 5 more minutes. Is that OK?"

"Ya."

15 min. later. By now I've taken my helmet off.

I walk back in the office and say, "I have someone watching my kids who can't stay there for very long.. Do you know when my car will be ready?"

"Oh are you still here?! I thought you would have gone by now. Let me find out what is going on."

As she says that my dripping car is delivered to the front lot with obvious smudges all over where they forgot to wash it.. Seriously it looked like a 7 year old had washed my car. They guy gets out and it is all I can do to not say, "uhh looks like you missed a spot."

I get home and tell my mom what happened. By now it is 10:45 and I'm so mad I have wasted 2 hours on this stupid problem and the only redeeming part of it is ironically my flat stroller tire and all the exercise I got along with the quality time I spent with my boys. But it gets better.

I call Josh and he doesn't answer so I leave a message and explain how because I'm a frumpy mom wearing tight pants and a helmet with 2 kids and a dog I've been taken advantage of and he better come home and fight for my vehicular honor. I tell the story to 3 other people who are all outraged. When Josh comes home I ask if he got my message and if he's going to go down there and talk to them. He said, "What do you want me to do about it?"

"Well get some money back or something," I say.

"That's just the way it goes baby cakes. It's an expensive lesson." Is his nonchalant reply.

"What is wrong with you!? Everyone else I've told this story to is outraged!"

"Were they all women? You guys are probably all on your periods and irrational. Go tell your dad what happened and see what he says."

So I do and my dad says, "They charged me $125 to tell me my gas was low. There is a sensor that goes off if I let my gas get too low that turns on the check engine light. Same situation honey... it's an expensive lesson."

WHAT!! "Baby Cakes and Honey"

What is wrong with them? So after talking with my sister in law we decided that I should put a sign in my car that tells where I got my awesome car wash and how much it cost. I am planning on writing a letter to the shop too telling them I'm irate and will never come back. Sad part is that they won't care at all. They have so many customers with such expensive cars who don't care about paying out the nose for bogus services it won't make a dent. However I've already gotten one note on my car saying that someone else had the same experience and where they take their cars now.

My sign reads, "Bainbridge Island Auto repair charged me $100.67 to tell me my gas cap was loose." I thought of much more inflammatory things I could have written but decided the truth was the best. I've had lots of people giggle when they read it and I think I'm going to leave it up for a while cause I think we take for granted our power for change as consumers. As for the power for change in the "baby cakes" department that could be a different story.

The diabolical plan to get our boys to eat vegetables

We've been struggling to incorporate fresh produce in our lives. It seems like I get a bit out of practice during the winter months so we've devised a cunning plan. Eli and Jonah aren't big vegetable fans unless they're picking right from the garden. Eli does like carrots. And they both like apples and salad, but what I hear most is requests for cheese and bread. So we had to make the vegetables something fun.

Josh has been taking the Trader Joe's Very Green supplaments for a while now and we decided to try making a green drink instead. He likes to use recipes, but I'm much more of an experimenter. The nice thing is that you can't really go wrong... depending on how much space you have left in the blender.

We usually start with an apple and a handful or two of spinach and kale, frozen berries and juice or water. We've also tried celery and pineapple and carrots and avacado. Banannas are good but overpowering and so is the celery. This sometimes is helpful though. The avacado makes it really smooth and if worse comes to worse add vanilla yogurt.

Last night Josh decided to throw a handful of the very green vitamins in and it ruined the whole thing. I was so mad. The entire smoothie tasted like vitamins and reminded me of my days during pregnancy which I would rather not remember. I resorted to adding mine to the yogurt. Jonah on the other hand as seen in exhibit "a" didn't care a bit.

This is what happens when you try to repair the broken blanket fort with one child and leave the other one unattended for 3 minutes with a chair pulled out from the dining room table. Be sure to put down your smoothie and forbid them to touch your drink. At least he's eating his vegetables. HA HA HA it was all part of our plan!

We make a path by walking

So we're talking about studying your children as if you were going to be graded on them, as if they were a subject in school. We were asked to think about our favorite subject in high school or even elementary school. It didn't have to be the one we got the best grade in. It had to be the one we were passionate about. One said honors english, one said reading, one said geometry another p.e., one said it wasn't so much a class but being a part of the ASB, and another said being a part of the church youth group. I said of course art.

As the conversation developed it became obvious that each person's favorite subject directly led to their personality and most often vocation as an adult. It got us thinking about how we learn, how we are motivated, and how we pursue things of interest. We then were reminded that our class was our child. The subject is not math or history, but this little or not so little person. How will you approach learning this subject? Who is the teacher? How are we graded?

First I thought of my homeschooling experience in high school where we were required to write a syllabus before the course began. I always was frustrated by this because I wondered how I could write a syllabus on something I knew nothing about. It involved investigation, asking questions, drawing on multiple sources and research. Then you could start the class. Parenting doesn't offer you a syllabus, or a text book. Everyone makes that cliche joke about not leaving the hospital with out the operations manual after you have a baby. Honestly it isn't very funny. It's just annoying. As a parent I feel like I should have the answers. I wanted my parents to have the answers. I want to be handed the syllabus. I feel like I should be the teacher, but I am not. I am the student.

So who is the teacher? Who teaches you who your child is? Certainly not them. They don't know who they are. They are developing and changing daily and longing for someone to speak identity into them. A scientist doesn't set out to observe a specimen in hopes that all their questions will be answered by the specimen. They rely on their experience, their ability to ask informed questions, to confer with colleagues and to refer to other sources and observation to derive a hypothesis. They are partners with the specimen in an investigation. Ultimately as parents we do have a textbook on our children. It is our children. They are our textbook. The only catch is we don't have a table of contents or chapter summaries. It is being written in real time. It is being written as we watch.

One parent said, "I'm reading chapter 17 right now. I loved chapter 7 and 9 and in chapter 11 something amazing happened, but I haven't got a clue on how to understand this chapter. I could decide that if I get a 60% on chapter 17 it is still a passing grade, and looking back on my cumulative GPA it might not hurt me too much, but then what if I keep deciding that? What if I end up being a 60% parent?"

We are students of these books, but we are also very close with the author. We know the author has an outline. The author has an expertise and a finished product that He is working towards. The author is our teacher. He is the designer and the creative director. He gives us resources in each other in other adults in our kids' lives and he gives us His spirit.

Another exercise involved identifying traits in our children that we would like to foster and develop versus trying to just build their resume. As I read through the 7 pages of characteristics complete with definitions and Bible references to back them up, I thought 2 things.

1. I may not be able to discern these things by chapter 3 and surely not by chapter 1.

2. I really need to ask myself what traits listed here do I see in ME that I want to foster and develop.

Modeling always comes before teaching. Whether we want it to or not, it does. This terrifies me because I am so wired to do instead of be. I long for my kids to know that they are known. They are honored and celebrated for who they are and not what they do. Sometimes those lines get fuzzy and I suppose that is in a later chapter cause right now it doesn't seem to be quite so pressing.

A friend of mine shared a saying with me. She said, "We make a path by walking." I suppose that is what parenting is; observing in patience as your child's book is written. Being attentive to shifts and changes and following the narrative like it is your favorite subject. Stories aren't interesting unless they have conflict. Stories aren't interesting if you know the end before you start. Stories aren't stories unless there is someone listening.

This might have done it. 6 months of non- posting and neglecting my blog may have actually alienated all my of readers. That's right all 4 of you are gone now, so I can write again with out censoring and wondering what ... will think of this .... blah. blah.

I haven't written in 6 months because for the last six months I have had a lack of insight and inspiration. And then from a far off dusty place, I hear the voices of my college professors echoing through my conscience saying that a true artist works through the dry spells and forces their hand to keep working. I begin to feel pressured to live up to my own expectations as well as the perceived expectations of my future memoirist but under the weight of the pressure I cave and recoil and recede.

I have been trying to read a little bit each day, between the diapers and laundry and lesson plans and now have some one else's insight that I would like to share. I'm a bit rusty so forgive my preface.

First a quote:

Inspiration may be a form of superconsciousness, or perhaps of subconsciousness - I wouldn't know. But I am sure it is the antithesis of self- consciousness. --- Aaron Copland

Next a passage from Cannery Row:

They are the Virtues, the Graces, the Beauties of the hurried mangled craziness of Monterey and the cosmic Monterey where men in fear and hunger destroy their stomachs in the fight to secure certain food, where men hungering for love destroy every thing lovable about them. Mack and the boys are the Beauties, the Virtues, the Graces. In the world ruled by tigers with ulcers, rutted by strictured bulls, scavenged by blind jackals, Mack and the boys dine delicately with the tigers, fondle the frantic heifers and wrap up the crumbs to feed the sea gulls of Cannery Row. What can it profit a man to gain the whole world and come to his property with a gastric ulcer, a blown prostate and bifocals? Mack and the boys avoid the trap, walk around the poison, step over the noose while a generation of trapped, poisoned, and trussed up men scream at them and call them no goods, come to bad ends, blots on the town, thieves, rascals, bums. Our Father who art in nature, who has given the gift of survival to the coyote, the common brown rat, the English sparrow, the house fly and the moth, must have a great and overwhelming love for no goods and blots on the town and bums and Mack and the boys. Virtues and graces and laziness and zest. Our Father who art in nature.

---John Steinbeck

Milestones

Jonah is now a year old.  It is pretty amazing and perhaps a good excuse as to why I haven't posted in 2 months!  He and Eli are keeping me pretty busy these days.  I remember this weekend last year.  On Saturday morning we went to the pancake breakfast at the fire station and rode the fire truck with Eli. (Yes I rode on the back of the fire truck on top of all the curled up hoses on my due date) I was so determined to go into labor that I walked 3 miles with my sister in law that afternoon and cleaned the house.  I should have napped!  As we drove home from the park where we walked, the car broke down and it is then that I started contractions.  2 hours later we were on the ferry to Seattle and thus began the adventure that was Jonah's birth.  I threw up 6 times (once in the car and had Josh pull over so I could throw away the plastic bag full of barf at the bus stop trash can on John and Broadway).  Many more details I will spare you, but now a year later it is hard to imagine our little family without him.  He is sweet and content and curious.  He is learning to contend with his bigger brother and hold his own.  He is not quite walking on his own but working at it every day and enjoying the challenge.  I'd say his favorite food is yogurt and he loves music.  I'm learning so much about what it means to be a child and a parent and to die to yourself. Eli calls him "Jonie boy" and I call him "sweet love" cause that is what he is.  Happy Birthday Jonah.     

Art Mart

Hey if anyone is going to be in Eastern Washington August 22 or 23 near Yakima drop in and see a show I'm participating in.  I am sending some wooden books I've made over the years and am excited to hear how people respond to them.  Unfortunately I won't be going with them but my dear friend Anna Marie will.  She is organizing the show in conjunction with the annual Artist Trust Fundraiser there.  I have included the poster for the event and if you want more info check out the Tieton Community Days.

Nirvana at the Dentist Office

Last week I was flossing and I rarely do, so I was feeling pretty good about myself until this big chunk of something came out and I thought, "Oh geeze I lost a filling!" So I saved the chunk in a ziplock bag and made an appointment for Friday (the following day) and began my pre-dental routine anxiety.  I HATE going to the dentist.  That is not uncommon, but the neck aches and headaches and generally sore muscles that result from laying so tensely for an hour in that chair make me really consider whether the appointment is needed.  

As our dear Dentist says though, when I tell him all this, "People avoid making dental appointments cause they think they will either be painful or expensive and the longer you wait the more BOTH of those things will be true."  Wow.  Thanks.    

Let me give you some background on my dental history.  

Age 7: Overbite and Structural Crowding of the Teeth as well as a slight Speech Impediment due to finger sucking

RETAINER

Age 12: (Same symptoms with out the speech impediment)

Braces to fix what the retainer couldn't.

Age 13:  (Same symptoms as well as a jaw popping)                                      

Head gear to fix what the braces couldn't.

Age 14: New beautiful straight teeth in the places that they should 

RETAINER

Age 14: Retainer cracked and was never replaced, so teeth became crooked again

Dad pretty despondent that he wasted 2k on my lousy teeth 

Age 19: Wisdom teeth out 

Zanax and Vikoden for anxiety and pain.. BEST experience of my life.  LOTS of drugs made oral surgery a pleasure. 

Age 23:  Dental Cleaning 1 week before my wedding

Age 27:  First visit to new dentist and only dentist since age 23 

Grinds Teeth needs night guard. Has almost worn through enamel 

Age 28: Flossing and lost piece of something out of mouth

Fractured tooth- FILLING

All of this is just the bullet points of a long sordid relationship I've had with my own mouth.  I hate my teeth and I hate my smile and I hate anyone looking at either of them.  I also hate spending money so none of this is boding well for a good relationship with the dentist.  I had seen the same dentist since I was 8 years old until the week before my wedding and he was as good as one could expect a dentist to be.  He actually would have someone call me when I got home from an appointment and ask how I was doing cause I would get so psyched out.  When I moved back to the island a couple of years ago I decided to have a cleaning since we had insurance again.  Unfortunately my dear and familiar dentist had retired.  

Thus began the search for a new dentist.  Everyone at our church said oh there is this guy who attends here and he is so good blah blah blah and I thought no way in hell am I going to see a guy about my teeth who I go to church with.  So I looked up the dentist that my best friend had gone to all her childhood and whose secretary had been my best friend's mother for a few years. I thought that would be fairly safe.  

So I set up an appointment with him after I haven't seen a dentist in 5 years or something and I have 4 cavities and 2 "watches".  He already doesn't like me.  But he should cause I am paying his mortgage this month with all the work I need done.  I tell him that Taylor Brown is my best friend and he doesn't really care and then starts this monologue about insurance companies and the need for reform and I'm a captive audience.  So as I'm leaving I try to muster a bit of self esteem by explaining that I haven't been in for a check up because I haven't had insurance and that is when he lays the aforementioned quote on me.  He is totally unimpressed with my excuse and basically says it is my own fault.  

I go back in a year later and have missed my 6 month cleaning because when I was due for it I was so sick with pregnancy that if anyone had put anything in my mouth I would have barfed all over them.  So I skipped it.  Luckily I didn't have any cavities.  Unfortunately I had "the beginings of irreversible damage" to my gums.  Because I had morning sickness I didn't floss for quite some time and apparently developed gum disease.  He then proceeded to tell me how studies have shown that heart disease is directly related to gum disease and especially now that I have children I need to be thinking about my example that I'm setting and that even if I want to take my life in my own hands I'm not just affecting me, I have others to think about now.  I tried to explain morning sickness to him.  He said that during pregnancy your body sucks all of the nutrients into the baby and that is the WORST time to be negligent with oral hygiene.  

You have to understand that this guy is sort of like the MacGyver dentist.  Not in the cool rigs stuff up way, but in the 5 o'clock shadow and flannel shirt kind of way.  He also might be recovering from a mullet.  He is as you might have guessed fairly blunt, but he is also very knowledgeable.  He seems to be the authority on almost anything in fact, and as a dentist working with people who can't talk to you, probably is pretty comfortable with the sound of his own voice.   That is why I like him and why I hate him.  He isn't your typical Bainbridge Island dentist with a Volvo cross country and 2 kids who are really beautiful and athletic and on the state water polo team. (My old dentist) 

So I call him up on Friday cause I realize that I can't make this appointment.  And HE answers the phone which totally caught me off guard.  I felt like I was breaking up with him.  I said it wouldn't work and he said, "Well Jamie, I don't know what to tell you cause we're just booked up this next few weeks."  Uhh.. OK? So he passes me off to the secretary who also knows me by my first name and my husbands name and my kids names and my general schedule and asks if Tuesday evening works instead.  And I say yes and hang up.  

It is Tuesday afternoon and I'm finding myself fidgeting and I realize I'm going to the dentist.  I know that he told me I need a night guard and that I am having this problem because I don't have one and he is going to lay into me about it and my no insurance excuse won't impress him and I am a tiny bit pissed with my "fear factor" dentist and hating that I have to go on such a lovely evening to his office.  I decide I need an attitude adjustment.  So I went out and cut a large bunch of Lavender off our hedge and take it with me to the appointment as a peace offering.  Josh thinks this is dumb.  It's not.  When I get there Nirvana is playing and I think to myself, "He is a total butt rocker and wears flannel shirts." When he calls me back I abruptly say, "I brought you guys some lavender from our garden."  I awkwardly hand it to him again with a certain "date" essence and he immediately softens.  He takes a deep breath smelling it and looks me in the eye and thanks me.  Not sure how to respond, so I say, "I thought it would make the office smell nice." Lame. Whatever.

As we sit down I mention that I saw him announcing at the 4th of July parade and he said it was his 23rd year in a row.. and that he's never missed a year.  That led to his interest and commitment to community and small towns and the idea that neighbors say "Hi" to each other and that HE is the one who numbs his patients up before a filling and takes the x-rays and puts the filling in after drilling and works carefully so as not to require a rubber dam so the patient can't speak or even really see cause being a doctor is about knowing people and helping them.  

He then begins to talk about how he grew up in a small town and that it's main industry was logging and that he went back there this past weekend after not having been there for 7 years and how it is completely devastated.  Whole city blocks have been boarded up or leveled and that no one goes out anymore because of gang violence and how people who stayed there are stuck with out any hope for anything better.  He said it was so depressing that he had to leave and that on his way home he thought about how thankful he was that he got out when he did and at the same time was sad because he felt like the place where his childhood existed was gone.  

The flannel shirts made more sense now.  I saw a glimpse of him as a person with a potentially rough childhood and someone who probably had to make it on his own as far as money goes with school and who has a strong work ethic.  We talked about how the island has changed and what he was trying to preserve here and what he appreciated about here.  I saw that he really does care about his patients and want to make people's lives easier and that being straight with them about their teeth may come off as "fear factor" to me but probably to him he sees it as telling you the truth so that you aren't ignorant and uninformed.  

I don't think the lavender changed him, I think it changed me. 

Stone Temple Pilots was playing as I left and his parting words to me were, "Well you've got a brand new tooth.  Don't go diving into any grape nuts for 24 hours cause you've got structure and shape, but no strength yet.  If you damage it and you're lucky it'll shatter into a thousand pieces, the bad news would be if you just crack it and you can't see it and I can't see it and the bacteria goes in there and starts having a party and a year later your tooth is decayed and needs to be replaced all over again.  Thanks again for the Lavender." 

A visual update

Tractor rides at our friend's farm in Poulsbo,

A beautiful beach day at Fairy Dell beach

Eli and Hannah reading quietly so as to avoid bedtime

Our first tent experiment.. it lasted about 40 minutes.. luckily it was in our backyard 

My grandma at her 50 and over baseball game... She plays 2-3 times a week!

Eli and Isaac riding bikes... well more like sitting bikes.. they can't pedal yet.. at least Eli can't

Jonah in his own personal ball pit

So much fun to be had in the summer and photos seem integral to that in my mind.  I wonder if sometimes my "subjects" get sick of my shooting, but I can't help it.  I am lined up tentatively to shoot 2 weddings this season and I'm slightly aprehensive due to my unprofessional qualifications, but hopefully my enthusiasm will prevail and overcompensate for my nervousness.  

Eli's Ailments in the past 5 weeks

Some of you have been wanting to see a picture of Eli's cast and so here is the laundry list of what my little monkey has "had" in the last month or so.


The broken foot. Notice the unnatural bump below his big toe. Not really a very convincing picture, but let me tell you.. it was definitely broken.

Him sitting in his jammies at 1:30 in the afternoon with his discharge papers and photocopied x-ray in front of the Children's Hospital E. R.

The whole gang was there... Way to go dad! So a day's worth of work missed, plus the bill for the E.R. .... plus the re- check in a week with the primary care doc... hmmm...
Then 2 weeks or so later the fever hits. 103.. for three days.. all he wanted to do was watch movies. Cars to be exact. over and over and over...
So when we got a nice day I said that's it and made him sit outside in the shade of a lovely umbrella and look at books. Notice the ear rubbing. That is his tell. He is sleepy and wanting snuggles.
This tell is a bit more obvious. The one where he cradles the bottle of Motrin and won't go to bed with out it or take his nap without it or get in the car with out it.. Sad.
He's now feeling mostly better except for the nasty greenish yellow nose as shown above. We invited a friend over because sinus infections are going around at their house, so we figured it wouldn't make a difference.

I feel like inviting the nurse from his Pediatrician's office over for dinner cause we've seen her so much lately. Maybe I should.

Here is a letter I wrote to Jonah for his baptism yesterday.

Dear Jonah,

You were 3 days old before you had a name. Your Dad and I went back and forth on what to call you and eventually I won out, cause really anything is better than Nevar. But some people didn’t think it was much better for us to name you after a relatively lousy guy in the Bible. But you’re not named because of who Jonah was in the story. You’re named because of who God was in the story.

When I think about the absurdity in the story of Jonah it reminds me that God has a sense of humor. I doubt Jonah thought so at the time, but that is the beauty of God’s sense of humor. He sees the bigger picture. Our stubbornness is no match for His. Our recklessness is no match for His. Our adamancy is no match for His. But still Jonah ran… and so did God… after Jonah.

Finally from the belly of a big fish Jonah said to God, “Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs.” It took living in fish guts for 3 days for Jonah to recognize the incomparable value of God’s grace. But in the end he did recognize it.

We’ve chosen a verse for you that is our hope for your heart. It comes from John 20:29. “Because you have seen me, you have believed, but blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe.”

When you were born, you were blue and limp and not really interested in breathing. As I sat there watching the nurses try to suction out your airway through your tiny, very pursed lips I said, “I think he’s a Jonah”. Fortunately God had a bigger plan for you. You were stubborn, but God is more stubborn. Jonah was stubborn, but God was immovable.

There is a saying, “Smart people learn from their mistakes, and smarter people learn from other people’s mistakes.” As your parents we will make mistakes and we know you will make mistakes. Our prayer is that the mistakes you make will be ones full of integrity; full of you. Don’t run from who God has made you. Don’t try to be someone or something other than his beloved. Don’t try to escape God’s affection. He will make your life very difficult until you rest in His love.

When doubts arise, and they will, when you are scared or reluctant find comfort in the truth that you are named for. Find comfort in the fact that God will go to absurd lengths to call you his own. Hopefully it won’t require anything having to do with a fish.

We love you.

Mama and Daddy

Life wins

It's 2:15 on Thursday afternoon and I'm supposed to be at a funeral right now. I've never been to a funeral and am not in attendance because I threw my back out this week... but that is another story. My dear friend Robyn and my college roommate for some time, lost her little sister last week in a car accident. She was 28 years old with two boys, 1 and 3. The kids weren't in the car, but her husband was; he survived it and she did not. I don't know the details of what happened or when or how but I do know that she was not killed on impact. As I have thought about the situation often since I heard the news, and have found it hard not to personalize it.

I think about how her boys won't remember her at all. I think about my boys and how hard I work for them and how fiercely I love them and how all I am is funneled into their care and nurturing and that I do all of that hoping one day they will feel that love and believe it. I wonder if she had the chance to say good by. I wonder if she was scared knowing that she wouldn't be there to watch them grow up. They won't ever feel how much she has sacrificed for them and given up for them, not in a way that is resentful but in a way that is empty of self and full of joy. They won't know the extent of the love their dad had for her and although they will hear stories, they won't see it, they won't absorb it.

It makes me grateful for each day. It sobers me with the reality of our frailty and smallness. But it also reminds me of the importance and largeness of what we are called to do. As parents, spouses, siblings and children we are called to love and so we do with all our hang ups and hesitations. We move through life with our heads far away from what is real and what is now and occasionally we accomplish through the grace of God a true moment of love in spite of ourselves.

I'm broken hearted for those boys and their father, but I'm also mystified by the way God works. I know life wins. Right now it doesn't seem like it and I don't know how it will for Robyn, but I know that it will.